


Without You

by Sev1970 (mk_malfoy)



Series: Without You Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, dealing with grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-12
Updated: 2005-04-12
Packaged: 2017-10-04 00:10:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 46,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Sev1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, which he finds nearly impossible to do, but when he finds that he has a few important reasons to move forward with his life, he disovers that it is possible to move on and face the future while never forgetting the past.  Implied past Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred (very minimal), then Harry/Draco</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> There is a major character-death, but only in the prologue.

Without You by Sev1970

**Summary:** **Complete!!! **Character Death only in Prologue. Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, who was everything to him, and somehow continue living without him. He finds out he has quite a lot to live for when someone from his past reenters his life...bringing Harry happiness, love, purpose...and something else. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred (very little), and Harry/Draco (main pairing)  
**Rating:** Death Sentence - NC-17  
**Categories:** Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy Multi-Chaptered Fics  
**Characters:** Draco, Fred, Harry, Harry/Draco, Original Character, Severus  
**Genres:** Romance, Angst  
**Warnings:** Sexual Content, Adult Language, Character Death

  


 

#### Chapter 1: Prologue: Without You

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 1794  
**Chapter**: Prologue/?  
**Pairing**: Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred, and Harry/Draco.  
**Beta**: Magdelena - thank you so much for your ideas!  
**Warnings**: This first chapter (prologue) is very sad and has a character death, but the chapters after should be much lighter.  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred, and Harry/Draco

**Written**: April 12, 2005 – May 15, 2005  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You ~*~**

  
“Mr Potter, you may come back in now; we’re finished.”

Nodding, I begin to open the door but look back at the healer. “How much longer?” I ask, not sure if I want to know.

“Not long. Perhaps a day; perhaps an hour. He’ll go when he’s ready.”

Looking back in the room, I slowly nod and whisper thank you as I enter and close the door behind me. Looking at the bed, your frail figure that once commanded such presence, is a mere shadow of its former self. You are much paler than usual, and your hair has thinned and greyed now, framing your face in matted sheets. I slowly approach you, hearing the valiant effort it is taking you to breathe, wishing I could do something, anything, to take the pain away. You stare at the ceiling, but it is doubtful your eyes are seeing anything; there has been no life behind them for a week. That has been hard to watch. Can you see me when I look over you? Can you hear me when I speak your name and tell you how much I love you?

I speak softly in your ear, and as usual, there is no response. This is expected, but a little more devastating each time. I want you to hear me, and I want you to see me. I want you to hold me in your arms again and I want you to love me again. I want you to be free of pain.

I know you are slipping away from me, and as much as this is killing me, it is for the best. You do not need to stay here just because I will miss you. “It’s okay, you know. You can go now, love. I will be okay; don’t worry about me.”

You know me well. It is pointless for me to lie to you, so I will try to be more honest. “I know I’ll never be okay without you. I don’t want you to go. I want you to get better; I want one more day with you. I am not ready for life without you, but you once told me that there is a time and place for everything; I guess this is what you meant. I can accept you leaving; it is not your choice. What I cannot accept, is never feeling your arms around me again. I’ll always be in your arms, wherever I am. You have protected me for so long, and will continue to. You never did trust me to not put myself in harm’s way, did you?"

~*~

I awake to someone shaking me, and have to regain my bearings. Looking down, I see your unseeing eyes, and reclaim my former position, curled up beside you, imagining that you can feel my warmth. Can you? Do you even know I am here? Do you know that your husband has not left your side? Do you know how much I will miss you when you go?

“Mr Potter, his blood pressure is rapidly dropping. It will not be long now; perhaps minutes.”

Nodding through tears, I cup your cheeks in my hands and kiss your pale lips one final time. “Look at me, please look at me. Please look at me, Severus. Please look at me. Please look at me. Please look at me, love,” I repeat softly into your ear. I want to tell you goodbye. I never got to tell you goodbye. You never liked goodbyes. I need to tell you goodbye. I turn your head to face me, and if I close my eyes, which I dare not do for fear of missing one more second of your wonderful presence in my life, I know I could imagine you looking at me. I trace my fingers over your eyelids, down your nose, over your lips, and down your neck. The warmth is leaving you, and it is leaving me cold. So cold. So cold.

I hear you gasp and lay my head on your chest. “Rest easy my love. Goodnight.”

I don’t have to look up to know you have slipped away from me. I can feel the absence of your chest heaving with difficulty, and am thankful. You are finally free of pain, and can rest easily.

I talk to the healers and matrons; it is all a blur. I am holding your hand and refuse to let go. I want to rub life back into you. I want this to be a nightmare that will be over soon.

I do what is asked of me and then leave without you. I walk outside and hear the birds chirping, and see the flowers blooming. Looking across the street, I see children playing. They are oblivious that Severus Snape, the love of my life, has just died. The world goes on. The sun will rise and will set, but you are gone forever. It doesn’t seem right. How can the world keep living and moving without you? Yeah, that is ridiculous; I can hear you saying it to me now. But, it is how I feel. I am here; living, breathing, walking, and you are not. How can I ever go on without you? I feel like I am not really alive at all. I think I die a little more each time I think of you not being here with me.

“Harry?”

Turning towards the voice, I see Hermione. Not able to speak, I nod as more tears fall. She embraces me and tells me to let it all out. Somehow, we end up at the Burrow and I find myself collapsing in Ron’s mum’s arms. She sits me down and hands me a cup of tea, which I sip slowly. I hear whispering in the next room, and know it is Ron and his dad talking to Dumbledore about the burial. Looking towards the sound, Mrs Weasley points her wand at the door and closes it.

Hermione walks in and sits by me, saying nothing. I don’t know if I can speak, but I need to. “Why?”

“I don’t know, Harry.”

“Hermione, he was fine a week ago. I don’t understand what happened.”

“I have been doing some research, and it is probable that Severus died from his injuries received over the years at Voldemort’s hands. I think his body was just too weak to overcome any further stresses.”

Hermione is probably right; Severus always knew his former master would be the death of him, but I never truly believed what he said. Funny thing that is. He was trying to tell me he was going to die sooner, rather than later. Yes, I think I always knew it was probably going to be true, but it is funny how much you can block from your conscious thoughts when you want to.

“I never got a chance to say goodbye, Hermione. One minute we were smiling and laughing, and the next, he was unconscious and dying.”

“Harry, look at me, love.”

I turn my head and look at her with pleading eyes, as if I were a child wishing for something reassuring to be said.

“Don’t you see? You never needed to say goodbye to him. You loved him, and he loved you. You both brought such happiness into each other’s lives. All of your goodbyes were in your every good morning and goodnight, and in every kiss and intimate touch. Don’t you understand? You left nothing unsaid, Harry. He knew and knows how much you loved him and will miss him. You did tell him goodbye in the best way possible. You know how Severus hated leaving you, or you being away from him. He wouldn’t want you to actually tell him goodbye, now would he?”

Hermione is near tears, but quirks her lips into a slight smile, and in turn, I manage a slight grin. “I suppose you’re right. But it hurts, you know. He is not gone on a trip this time. Now I am truly without him, and our goodbyes were forever.”

“Perhaps. But you know that Ron and I are here for you. Severus would not want you to curl up and revert into yourself. Please do not let that happen. When Severus came into your life, he also came into my life, and I have grown to love him as I love you. I don’t think I could bear losing two friends, Harry.”

I turn around when the door opens, and see Ron looking sadly at me. “Ron, will you go with me to see him in the morning before the burial? I don’t think I can do it alone, and I don’t trust myself.”

He nods and I can tell it is all he can do. Why do people try so valiantly not to cry? “Thanks.”

Turning back to Ron’s mum, I take a deep breath. “Is it okay if I stay here tonight? I just don’t think I can deal with going back to our house, not yet.”

“You are welcome here anytime, Harry, and if you never want to go back, then you don’t have to.”

But I do have to go back, and I want to go back, just not yet. I need to smell you again, I need to sleep in our bed, and I need to live where we lived. Just not now. “Thank you, Mrs Weasley. I think I will go to bed now.” I hug Ron’s Mum, Ron, Hermione, and Mr Weasley, who has just entered the room. He cannot hide his tears, and I love him for it. Is this how it feels to have a father comfort his son?

I can hear them talking softly as I leave, and know that I am safe. I am without you now, my love, and it hurts more than I can ever say, but I am not without them, and no matter how much it hurts me, I won’t leave them.

Ascending the stairs and entering Ron’s old room, I collapse on the bed, emptying my emotions once again. I miss you so much, Severus.

“Goodnight, love.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 2: Chapter One: The Ground Thaws

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Pairing**: Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred, and Harry/Draco.  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 1842  
**Chapter**: 1/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena - thank you so much for your help!!!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred, and Draco/Fred (somewhat) and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You : Chapter One: the Ground Thaws ~*~**

“I still miss you.” Everyone would think me crazy if they knew I talked to you as much as I do, but it is the only time I truly feel in control of myself these days. I am not reverting into myself, however, so you don’t have to worry. Everyone is making sure I stay in the land of the living. Fred and I just got back from London. He took me to a few clubs, Muggle ones. Don’t roll your eyes at me. It wasn’t my idea, although I did have fun. You would not have liked it; too noisy and busy for your refined tastes, but be happy for me. A few weeks ago, I could not muster the strength to leave the house, so the fact that Fred has returned me to the real world, as he says, is a big deal. When we got back, and after I thanked him for again getting me to go out, he hugged me, Severus.

This is too weird. Fred is not supposed to be someone who would hug me. He is supposed to make me laugh. But everyone has been so protective of me since you died. I should be tired of them smothering me, but I think I’ll die if they quit. They make me feel alive, and they don’t let me sulk…well, not for too long, anyway. Hermione and Ron even moved in with me so I would not be alone.

Severus, they are the best friends, and I am so thankful they are here for me, especially Fred. He has been so good to me, and seems to know what I need, more so than even the others. He can always make me laugh, even when I am thinking about you. Only Fred could get away with telling me that you would not approve of my sulking. I inevitably glare at him, but he is right, and I know it. He does his best to keep me busy, and I have even been helping at the store with him and George. George is engaged to Fleur. And you said they would never last.

~*~

“You don’t have to stay with me, Fred. I’ll be fine. Hermione and Ron will be back soon.” You’re not going to leave, and I don’t want you to. I can’t stand the quiet.

“I am afraid I would never hear the end of it if I left you alone, Harry.”

“I’m sorry. It’s been six months. I should be able to stay alone by now, but I can’t, and you know it. I can’t be trusted by myself.”

Fred matter-of-factly looks at me and shrugs his shoulders as he smiles sympathetically. “I have never been in love, Harry. I don’t know what it is like to love someone, much less love someone, and then lose them. But I know how much my family means to me, and I know I would be devastated if I lost any of you. If that is what you are feeling, I can’t imagine that you’ll ever be okay again. I’ll always be here for you, Harry. I know I am a joker, and that is how people see me, but there really is more to me than just that. I guess I use the jokes to mask my true feelings.”

“I know, Fred. You never could fool me. I guess you and I are a lot more alike then anyone else thinks.”

Fred laughs, but then gets serious. “Um, Harry, I don’t know if I should tell you this or not, but I ran into Malfoy earlier today.”

Shite. I had hoped to never have to see him again, but if he is back, it is doubtful I can get away with not seeing him. “Where?”

“At the cemetery at Hogwarts.”

Damn him. “Why did he have to come back?”

“You know why he came back, Harry.”

Draco. Why did he have to come back now? When he left, he promised me he’d never return. I don’t think I can face this now. “I can’t go through this again, Fred. You know how it was when he left, and you know how long it took me to get over him. If it hadn’t been for Severus, I would not have survived.”

“I know. I am sorry to be the one to tell you, but I thought you’d want to know.”

“Yeah, I want to know, I just don’t want to see him, not yet.”

“I don’t blame you. But I have heard that since Lucius died earlier this year, Draco has completely changed, and hardly gets out anymore.”

“Are you actually defending him? Look, I am sorry Mr Perfect has lost his meal ticket, but that is not my problem. He is getting exactly what he deserves, and I am not going to be made to feel guilty about not wanting to see him.”

“I don’t mean to upset you, Harry, but you know he won’t take no for an answer. He’ll want to see you.”

“Fuck him. I don’t give a rat’s arse about what he wants. He best not ever set foot in my house again, or I’ll see to it that he can never have children again…” Damn. Shite. Crap. Fuck. Fred was not supposed to hear that. I see his face, and know he wants to ask what that was about, so I shake my head. “Don’t ask, Fred.” But he keeps looking at me and I see he isn't going to let this go until I tell him, so I decide he might as well know this, as it is the only thing he does not already know about me. “It was the summer after we graduated. Draco got pregnant with my child, and decided to have it terminated without telling me. When I found out, I threw him out. Everyone thought he had cheated on me, and that is what I wanted people to think. So now, you surely understand why I don’t want to see him again. That scum killed our child. He took my son away from me, Fred.”

Watching Fred near me, I vociferously shake my head. “No. Don’t. I refuse to cry over them tonight. Just please let me be alone for a bit. I promise, I’ll be fine.”

Fred leaves, but only goes as far as the next room. No one is stupid enough to really leave me alone.

~*~

It’s been a month, and not a day has gone by without him banging on the door, begging me to let him in. He screams about how sorry he is, and keeps asking me to give him another chance, telling me it is not too late. Not too late? Is he on drugs? Is he truly so enamoured with himself that he thinks I can ever welcome him back into my house? I am so tempted to tell him exactly what I think of him, but I somehow manage to keep myself away from the door. It does not hurt that Ron and Hermione keep reassuring me that the best thing I can do is to ignore him until I am ready to face him. Plus, I might kill him if I see him, and I guess I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in Azkaban. I need you, Severus. What should I do?

“Harry?”

I turn suddenly, wand drawn, only to see Fred, face ghostly white. “What is wrong?”

He can’t speak but I see him trying. “Tell me, Fred, please. What is it? Is it Ron, or Hermione, or your parents?”

Fred shakes his head as he sits down. “I just came from Malfoy’s, and Harry…he…isn’t alone.”

“So? What in the hell do I care who he shares his bed with now? He is a big boy.”

“No, it’s not what you think, Harry. I saw a boy who could have been no more than five years old sitting on the sofa with Draco. Neither knew I was there. I only saw them through the curtains, but I know what I saw.”

No. He wouldn’t do that to me. He would not keep my son from me. He told me he had made certain our baby would never be born. I don’t understand. I sit down beside Fred and look at him seriously. “Draco has been hiding my son from me? No, there has to be some other explanation. He would never do that to me. He always wanted children and he loved me, and wanted a family. He knew I did too, but then he got scared of what his father would say and had the baby taken care of. I don’t understand, Fred. None of this makes any sense.”

“I think you need to talk to Draco. That is the only way you're going to get to the bottom of this.”

I could have a son? A five year old? Could it be true? Unlikely, but I guess it could be. Perhaps Draco adopted a child? Whatever the case, I have to find out. “Fred, come on. We are going to have a chat with Draco.”

“We? Um, sorry, Harry, but don’t you think this is something personal?”

“Yeah, I’d say it’s really personal, but I need someone with me. I don’t want to face him alone. There is nothing about me you don’t know now, and I would really appreciate it if you would go with me to see Draco. Please? It would mean a lot to me.”

Fred blushes, and then smiles as he nods. He opens the door and looks back at me, motioning me to follow. I look at him and feel safe, but I also look at him and feel something else. I didn’t think I’d ever feel anything like this again. I know what I feel for Fred is not anything like I felt for you, Severus, but I do remember feeling this way about you. It is a scary feeling. I still love you, Severus.

When I close the door, Fred smiles at me, and I smile back. Neither of us speak, and it is the most comfortable conversation I have had in months. I am not sure what is going to happen when we get to Draco’s, but for now, I am trying to live in the moment with Fred. Who knows, things may be about to change. I might have a son.

~*~ TBC ~*~

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 3: Chapter Two: The Rain Falls

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2356  
**Chapter**: 2/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Character Death in only the prologue. Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred, and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You : Chapter Two: The Rain Falls ~*~**

“Fred, if it really is my son, that means Draco has hidden him from me. It just doesn’t make sense. Draco is many things, but he would never keep my son from me.” I can tell by the look on his face that he doesn’t agree.

“Harry, you were in love with him, ready to bond with him. People who are in love see what they want to. Malfoy has not always been the most dependable person; why would he change now?”

“You’re wrong, Fred. I know him, and he wanted children more than me. Yeah, before seventh year, Draco and I all but hated each other, but things changed, and I do not really appreciate you saying I fell in love with someone who is not dependable. I know I have a tendency to fall for Slytherins, but that is not my fault.” I am getting upset, and need to calm down. “This is so messed up.”

“Yeah, that it is, Harry. But you’ll know the truth soon enough.”

“If Severus were here, he’d tell me exactly what to do about this. He knew how to handle difficult situations.”

“Well, erm yeah. He was a-- sorry,” Fred says, automatically apologizing as I give him a pointed look. “He dealt with difficult situations a lot, but you’ll know what to say, Harry.”

Good cover up, Fred. I guess the Death Eater references regarding Severus won’t ever go away. “Glad you have such confidence in me. I guess I can’t put this off. I can hear Severus telling me it will be okay. I hope so.”

“Whatever happens, you know we’ll be here for you.”

I manage a slight smile as we near the home of Lucius Malfoy, one that now belongs to Draco, and I can feel myself tensing. It’s going to be okay. Severus? Please help me.

We pass through the wards set up to keep out Death Eaters, and when we arrive at the front door, I begin knocking. It is near midnight, and he could be asleep, but this can't wait any longer. “Draco, I know you’re in there. We need to talk.” If he were truly smart, he’d ignore me as I’ve been ignoring him, but he won’t. At least he better not.

Draco opens the door and looks at the sky before shaking his head. He looks quite exasperated, but invites the two of us in, looking warily at Fred.

“Malfoy, Fred is staying, so get over it. What is your game? Fred told me he saw a young boy in here with you earlier today, and he looked as if he were about five? Right, Fred?”

“Yep.”

“So, did you decide to adopt? Did you feel such guilt when you aborted our baby that you felt the need to raise another yourself?”

Draco looks completely shocked and is trying to think of something to say, I can tell.

“Harry, perhaps you should sit down.”

“Erm, no. I think I’ll stand, thanks. Where is he?” I am trying my best to keep from completely screaming at him, but I can tell it is not going to be easy.

Draco rolls his eyes and looks at the clock, and my eyes travel there as well. _Jamie is asleep_.

“Shite. Draco, tell me that is not my son sleeping, please.” He says nothing. Say something…anything. “Fuck, Draco, What in the hell kind of game are you playing with me? Why the fuck would you hide my son from me? Why?”

Draco looks completely devastated, and I don’t know which I want to do more, throttle or hug him. He could always weasel his way out of just about anything with his little pouty expressions.

“Harry, I’ll explain everything, but keep your voice down and refrain from using that language. I shudder to think of Jamie hearing his father speaking such profanity.”

Gods, I need to sit down. Where is the sofa? I find it and sit down, putting my face in my hands, then look imploringly at Draco. I place Silencing Charms on the room. “**You prick. I hate you, you sorry good for nothing bastard.**”

"KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, and do not start in on me until you know the facts.”

“I put up Silencing Charms, you moron.” I look over at Fred, who looks like he would rather be anywhere other than here. “Fred, you can go now. I am sorry I dragged you over. I’ll be fine.”

I see Fred looking at Draco wearily.

“I’ll make sure he gets home safely, Weasley; don’t worry.”

Fred does not want to leave me alone with Draco, but he agrees to go. I wonder how far he’ll actually go. I return my gaze to Draco as Fred leaves the room. “Okay, tell me everything, and I mean everything.”

Draco sits down, but before he begins speaking to me, he whispers a few words, some sort of charm to alert him if Jamie needs him, I am guessing. He then looks at me, and he is as pale as a unicorn.

“I am not leaving until you tell me what is going on, Draco.”

“I could tell you everything, but you wouldn’t believe me if I did, so I am going to show you. Then you will have no doubt as to what happened.”

It seems I am destined to have a meeting with a Pensieve. “Fine.”

Draco goes into another room, and a few minutes later, returns with a huge bowl. The familiar shimmering vapor-like substance is swirling around as it is placed on the table before me. I quickly glance at Draco, then dive head first into someone’s memories.

  
_Draco and his father are standing before a Pensieve; the same one I have just entered._

“He’s alive? You lied to me? Where is he? I demand you tell me.”

“Oh Draco, my little dragon. Who are you to demand anything from me? I am your father.”

“Where is he? Tell me, NOW!”

“He is safe and that is all you need to know.”

“You bastard. I hate — don’t you ever touch me again, or I will kill you.”

“Oh, one can dare to hope, but that is very doubtful seeing as how I know where your precious son is. Now are you going to continue acting the part of an idiotic child, or are you going to listen to me and let me explain myself?”

“Go on.”

"Somehow the Dark Lord found out about the impending birth of you and Potter's child, and guess who he gave the job of disposing of it to? He put me under Imperius just to be sure I-”

“Stop your lying, father. I saw the Pensieve. You are the one who told Voldemort that a child born from Harry and me would be very powerful, and that you would make me think I had lost the baby, so you and Voldemort could have the child raised as a Death Eater, one who could eventually carry on Voldemort’s mission. No, do not even try to lie to me. I know you. Remember, I am your son, as loath as I am to admit it. You would have me believe that you were forced to do this, but I know better. You made me think I lost my baby, then you stole him and hid him away. Now tell me where he is, or Merlin help me I will kill you.”

“Tut, tut, Draco. Watch your temper. Being whiny will get you absolutely nowhere in life.”

**“TELL ME NOW!”**

“I can’t.”

“Don’t you mean, you won’t?”

“No, I mean, I do not know where he is, not exactly, and if you keep on in this fashion, you will never know. Remember, Draco, only I can give you what you want. And before you go telling your former lover about what your vengeful father has done to your child, hear this. If you so much as breathe a word to him about what I did to you, your child will never see the light of day again. The Dark Lord found a family to raise him, and I am hoping that he grows up a might bit better than you, and minds his manners. But all it would take is one word from you, and you can say goodbye to the possibility of ever seeing your son.

“I do hope he is being disciplined properly, as I obviously was much too lenient with you. To think a son of mine would be so blatantly disrespectful as to break into his own father’s Pensieve. You know, I think this has gone on long enough. You have been acting far too snotty for my liking. It’s time you learned that your father is in charge here, Draco, not you. **Crucio**.”

  
Oh, Merlin. Draco is looking at me as I lift my head out of the Pensieve, and I can see him shaking. I cannot speak…Lucius did this to us? “How did you find him, um...how did you find our son?”

"For two years I tried finding him, but with no luck. Then my father became gravely ill. I was not sad; my father was a bastard, and the world would be a better place without him, but I also knew that once he died, the likelihood of me ever finding our son was almost nonexistent.

"So, I made Polyjuice with Lucius’s hair, and somehow managed to weasel my way into a private meeting with Voldemort, telling him I was dying and needed to see the boy to make certain he was developing correctly. I assured him I would not tolerate the boy growing up as _Draco_ had, and told him I would beat compliance into him if I had to. It was horrible. I literally had to go wretch after our meeting; it made me so sick to speak of our son in such terms, but it worked, and I was given the coordinates to our son’s whereabouts. I knew I could not go in to get him, but I contacted the Order and told them a boy had been kidnapped and was being held against his will. A few of them went in and got him. It happened the same week that Severus died.”

That is where everyone went after the burial…yeah, I remember some of them being called out, and not wanting to leave me, but I forced them to go. “You’ve had him since then?”

“Yes. Fortunately for me, father died a few days before the Order found Jamie. Harry, I really did want to tell you, but you were so upset about Severus, and I just wanted to wait. I knew it wasn't right, but so much had happened to you and me. I didn’t know what to do, honestly.”

Draco can’t be serious. “You could have brought me my son, Draco. Don’t you understand? I had lost my best friend, the man I loved with all of my heart. The hole was so big, and it grows bigger every day. Jamie would have given me something to live for, to love. I have been so lost, Draco. I need something to hold on to, anything. Can you understand that?”

“I am trying, Harry. This is all so new to me, being a father. I’m just trying to do the best I can for Jamie.”

I want to scream at Draco, but I do not have the strength to yell. Severus, I need you. “Can I see him?” I am so close to losing it, Severus. I can’t do this without you.

“Sure. Follow me.”

We walk through a room and down a long hall, and through a set of double doors that open into a large suite. He is asleep, and Severus…he looks just like Draco, but his hair is messy like mine used to be. And looking at a picture of him and Draco on the chest of drawers, I can see that he has my eyes. I want to hold him and tell him that I love him. I walk closer, and have to force myself not to touch him. He looks so peaceful. Did I really give this angelic child, life?

“Draco, we need to talk.” I look at my son for a few more seconds then follow Draco back into the room we just left. “I want him in my life, Draco. We have to work something out.”

“Yeah, we’ll do that, Harry. I truly never meant to hurt you. Jamie is going to be staying with Tonks tomorrow, so we can meet and discuss what to do then, if you want.”

I can't speak, only nod. I wonder what Tonks knows, but I’ll find out later. I get my cloak and begin to leave but am stopped by Draco’s hand on my shoulder.

“Wait a second and I’ll accompany you. I just need to tell Selly I am leaving for a few minutes.”

“I’ll be fine, Draco, honestly. I need to be by myself. Don’t worry. I am going straight home.”

“Fred made it perfectly clear--”

“Forget about Fred. I said I want to be alone, Draco. Please?”

“Okay. Go get some sleep, then we’ll talk in the morning. We’ll figure something out. Oh and Harry, I am truly sorry about Severus. I know how much you loved him.”

Again I can only nod. Walking out the door, I can feel the tears threatening, and when I am far enough away from Draco’s house, I let them fall. “I need you, Severus.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 4: Chapter Three: The Grass Grows

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2553  
**Chapter**: 3/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred, and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You : Chapter Three: The Grass Grows ~*~**

“Harry?”

“Please leave me alone.”

“Harry, it is three in the morning and it is freezing out here.”

I lift my head off the ground and wipe a tear away. “I’m talking to Severus.”

“And would Severus want you to catch cold talking to him? I think not. Come on. Hermione and Fred are waiting for us.”

“Why can’t you just let me stay with him?” Why? I don’t even know why I ask, I know it’s a senseless argument with Ron. I get up and follow like a chastised child.

We walk in the door and Hermione takes my cloak, then wraps a blanket around my shivering shoulders as Fred hands me a cup of hot tea. I sit down by the fire and immediately begin to feel warm. Looking back at the three standing nervously over me, I shake my head. “No questions, please, not tonight.”

Hermione begins to say something, but I see Fred wave her off and kneel beside me. “If you need to talk, you know how to reach me. Don’t hesitate to wake me up, I am serious, Harry.”

I nod, but don’t look up. I hear him leaving, and wish he didn’t have to go. I have a feeling Hermione is about to start asking questions I can't answer yet. “I’m going to bed.”

“Harry, what happened? Fred wouldn't say anything, but he knows something, doesn’t he?”

“Hermione, he doesn’t want to talk,” says Ron.

Can I be so lucky that Hermione will listen to her husband? I won’t hold my breath. I vaguely hear the two talking, but only want to go to bed. Severus? Make them stop.

I feel myself being lifted, and led to the stairs.

“You look as if you are about to fall over.”

“I just want to go to sleep, Ron.” We ascend the stairs and enter my room…my new room. Hermione and Ron thought it best that I try to sleep in a different room than the one I shared with you. I miss sleeping with you, Severus. I miss falling asleep in your arms.

I get into bed after changing into my boxers, and Ron puts out the fire and says goodnight. It is too quiet. I hate the quiet. You would always talk to me, and it would put me to sleep. Merlin, I miss that, Severus. I miss you.

It doesn’t seem so long ago that this house was full. Gods, I miss those times. Do you remember when we had Ginny and Viktor’s engagement party, and everyone stayed here for a week? I have never laughed so hard in my life as I did then. Remember Madame Maxime walking in on Fleur and George? I thought she was going to have a heart attack. And when Ginny gave everyone Extendable Ears to hear Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall? You were not too amused by that, love, were you? You called us petulant children, I think it was. We gave you a hard time, but you took it all in stride, for me. You put up with a lot for me, Severus, and I don’t think I ever thanked you properly. You sacrificed a life of peace and order and traded it for one of uncertainty when you took up with me. I still don’t know how I was lucky enough to end up with you. Merlin must have been looking down on me is all I can think.

Severus, I have a son. Jamie. He is beautiful. You would have been a great father. I wish you were here to help me with him. Draco seems to be amenable with me being in Jamie’s life, which is a good thing; I’d hate to have to fight him for custody. I am so scared though. I don’t know the first thing about being the father of a five year old. But I’ll learn. I’ll make him and you proud of me.

“Goodnight, Severus.”

  
_I am already proud of you, Harry_

  
Severus?

I guess it was just a dream. I see the sun coming through the window, and guess I should get up and get ready for the day. Perhaps by tonight, Jamie will know who I am, but then again, maybe not. I don’t want to scare him. I wonder if it took him long to warm up to Draco? I’ll have to ask.

~*~

“Morning, Harry. How did you sleep?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Any plans for the day?”

Does she never stop? “Yeah, I’m going out this morning. I have a few errands to run.”

“Want me to go with you?”

I can feel my anger rising. “Hermione, I am not an invalid, okay? So stop treating me as one. My husband died, and I am having a difficult time getting over his death. I appreciate you and Ron being here more than you could ever know, but please just give me some space.” She looks properly miffed, but I can tell she is trying to hide her emotions. “Sorry, Hermione. I don’t mean to sound so ungrateful. I would completely have fallen apart if it had not been for you and Ron. You two have always been there for me, but I think sometimes the two of you are too close to me. I just feel like I need my space sometimes.”

“Do you want us to leave, Harry?”

Shite. “No, I don’t. I don’t know what I want, to be quite honest.” Hell, yes I do. Although last night my thoughts were filled with Severus and my son, this morning I can’t seem to keep my mind off of something all together different, but no less important. “Can I tell you something if you promise not to say anything to Ron?”

“Sure.”

“I think I am beginning to have feelings for Fred, and it is really freaking me out. It scares the hell out of me, yet when he leaves, I don’t want him to go. Maybe I am just lonely, I don’t know, but Fred makes me laugh, and he is not afraid to confront me when I am being too maudlin over Severus. Last night I wanted so badly to beg him not to leave, Hermione.”

Hermione smiles and laughs for a second. “Harry. That is great! Fred is probably the best possible person you could be with. Yes, I can imagine it won’t be easy, but Fred will be patient, that much I know.”

My previous bad mood is quickly dissipating. “Thanks. I really am sorry about what I said. Everything just seems to be crashing down on me all at once.”

“Well, Harry, you know I am here for you if you need to talk. I know something is going on with you, but you’ll tell us when you are ready. Now, I better be off or else I am going to be left behind. Fleur and I are going shopping for her wedding robes today.”

Hermione looks so happy. I want to be happy again. “Oh, tell her I said hi, and that yes, I definitely am serious about having the reception here. And also tell her if anyone needs to stay here for the wedding, they are more than welcome. I think I remember her saying her sister was asking about me. It would be great to see her again.”

Hermione laughs aloud. “Erm, yeah…um, Harry, you do know she has a huge crush on you, right?”

“Still?” Hermione nods, and I groan. “I take it Fleur has not opened her sister’s eyes regarding me. Doesn’t she know about Severus and me?”

“I don't know, Harry. All I know is that Fleur said her sister goes on about you all the time. You know how Fleur is. She is so sweet, and doesn’t want to dash her sister’s hopes.”

“Well, if she comes here and stays, would it be better for me to dash her hopes? Talk to Fleur. I really do not want a lovesick girl pining over me. It is more than I can handle.”

“Okay, will do. See you this evening.”

“Bye, Hermione.”

After she leaves, I grab a piece of toast and send a quick message to Fred at the store, telling him I will stop by after leaving Draco’s. Then I send Draco a message asking if it is okay if I come over.

Within minutes, he answers, and agrees to my dropping by.

~*~

Draco…and Jamie answer the door. What am I supposed to say?

“Hi, Uncle Harry.”

What? Uncle Harry? But I’m his… Severus? Help me.

“Harry, I’m so glad you could come over. Tonks is on her way to get Jamie, then we can talk,” Draco says smiling.

I can’t speak. Did he call me Uncle Harry? I sit down on the sofa.

“Are you okay, Uncle Harry?”

What? “No, yes, I am fine. I just need to go to the loo. Draco?”

“Go down the left hall and it is the last door on your right.”

“Thanks.”

Finding it, I close the door behind me. I can’t do this, Severus. He called me Uncle Harry. Why? I don’t want to be his Uncle; I want to be his father. Splashing water on my face, I try to regain my composure. Come on, Harry, you can do this. Let him explain.

I enter the front room again, and hear Draco talking to Jamie quietly. I sit down on the sofa, trying to stave off my headache. Then Jamie walks over to me, and I tense.

“Daddy says you are my other daddy, and that you have been looking for me, like he was. Are you really him?”

Severus? “Yes, Jamie, I am really him.” I try to smile, but I am sure it looks nothing close to a smile.

He smiles at me and crawls up on the sofa beside me. “You have eyes like me.”

I smile and nod my head. “Yes, and you have hair like me.” This time it is Jamie who laughs.

“Daddy says I have Potter hair, and I don’t think he likes that very much.”

I look at Draco and roll my eyes. “No, he wouldn’t like that very much. But I am sure he does love those green eyes of yours.”

Jamie beams. “Daddy says he loves me this much.” I have to smile as he holds his arms out as wide as he can. “But he says he loves my green eyes more than anything else — he says they remind him of an angel.”

“He says that, does he?”

“Yes, Daddy, he does.”

He called me Daddy, Severus. I look at Draco and smile. He still loves me. I didn’t see it last night, but I can see it in his eyes now. I look back at Jamie and motion for him to come nearer to me, and I whisper in his ear. He smiles and then goes to Draco, and whispers in his ear. Just as Draco is about to speak, Tonks walks through the door. I don’t know what she knows about me and Draco, regarding Jamie, but she does not look surprised to see me, so I nod, but say nothing.

“Ready, squirt?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I have to laugh at how well and proper our little five year old speaks; he is truly a Malfoy.

“Okay then, let’s go. We have a date, you and me, don’t we?”

“Oh yes, Daddy…and Uncle Harry, Aunt Tonks is taking me to see Merlin, and she said he is going to let me ride on a magic carpet as long as I want. Then we are going to go visit Uncle Albus.”

Draco responds, but suddenly, my stomach falls. Has Dumbledore known about this all along? Surely not, but if he has--

“Harry, Tonks and Jamie are leaving.”

I smile and hug Jamie, who has thrown himself at me. “Have a good time, and don’t let Aunt Tonks eat too much ice cream, okay?”

“Yes, Uncle Harry.” We hug again, he hugs Draco, then they are gone.

“So, obviously Tonks does not know about me being Jamie’s father, but does Albus know?”

Draco shakes his head. “Harry, no one knows about you being Jamie’s father, except Voldemort, and he only knows because I was careless. As far as I know, no one even suspects you as being Jamie’s father.”

“Good. For now I would rather keep it quiet. Jamie does not need to know his daddy is a wanted man.”

“He is a very intelligent child, Harry. He senses things, and I think he senses you are special.”

“And that is not of your own doing, is it? What with you telling him his eyes, which are exactly like mine, remind you of angels. No, that definitely would not make him want to be around me,” I say while rolling my eyes.

“He is so like you, Harry. He brings me so much joy. When he first came to live with me, he would have bad dreams, and when he woke up he would say that the man with the green eyes helped him, and he always asked me who he was. I told him he was an angel.”

I'm not sure what to think about this, but if it helps Jamie, I guess that is all that matters. “I'm really here now, Draco, and I don’t intend on ever leaving him. I think you and I need to talk about us.”

“Yes, I think we do. Were you serious? Did I hear Jamie correctly?”

“You did. I am serious about wanting Jamie to come live with me, and you too since you are his other father. Voldemort is no doubt combing the countryside looking for Jamie, and my house is the best place for him to be. I am sure you have protected your home well since thus far the two of you have remained safe, but we both know how tenacious Voldemort can be. I am not the boy-who-lived for nothing, I guess — my house is about as safe a place as you can find, other than Hogwarts. I also don’t want to have Jamie shipped in between the two of us. So, whenever you're ready, I'd be happy if the two of you would move in with me. But, Draco, you need to understand that I can’t get involved with you. I just can’t go through that again. I know now that it was not your fault, but even still, it is not something I can do. I hope you understand.”

“I understand, Harry. I do still love you. I guess Jamie gave me away, although I do not mind. I saw how you looked at Fred last night. He’s a good bloke, Harry, and he’d be lucky to have you, anyone would be. I just want you to be happy.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 5: Chapter Four: The Seeds Root

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17  
**Words**: 2361  
**Chapter**: 4/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You: Chapter Four: The Seeds Root ~*~**

“He called me daddy, Fred. It was so amazing. You should have seen him. He looks just like Draco, yet has my messy hair and green eyes…and he is a Malfoy through and through. So proper and polite.”

Fred begins to laugh. “Well, give him a few weeks with you, and you’ll have him properly broken of his refinement.”

I roll my eyes and then tell Fred that I asked Draco if he and Jamie would move in the house with me. “I really do think they will be safer in this house, but I'm afraid he may not want to move here.”

“Why? I think he would be excited at the prospect of living in the same house with you.”

“Um, well, I told him he and I could not be together as a couple. He said he understands, but I don’t think he really does.”

“Hm. Well, it’s your life, Harry. You have to do what makes you happy. But now you do have Jamie to think about. What will you do if Draco refuses to move in with you?”

Why does Fred make it sound like I am making a bad decision to not want Draco and me to be together? “I don’t know, but I want my son in my life, Fred.”

“Yeah, of course. So when do I get to meet him?”

Fred really wants to meet him? “Not sure. He is with Tonks today. Maybe tomorrow after work. That is if you do not already have plans, and if it is okay with Draco.”

“My evening is free.”

“Good. You wouldn’t want to go to dinner before we go see him, would you?” Is Fred blushing? He looks shocked, but I can see he is quite happy.

“Sure, that would be nice.”

“Great, then it’s a date.”

“I guess it is, Harry.”

Fred looks so cute. Merlin, what have I gotten myself into? I am about to go upstairs when Hedwig flies in through the window. “Hi, girl.” I remove the parchment from her leg and then hand her a treat as I open the letter.

  
_Dear Mr Potter:_

I regret to inform you that there has been a change in prices, and as we told you might happen, the extended trip you booked with us seven months ago will now cost 4,000 Galleons more than was stated in our original meeting. Please reply immediately with the remainder of your payment, or if you choose to opt out of this excursion, we will refund 50% of your previously submitted payment. I look forward to your response.

Eli Cribbage  
Minister for Foreign Ministry Travels

  
The trip…to South America and Africa…the one Severus and I planned together…I forgot all about it. Dropping the parchment, I sit down and close my eyes. I can feel Fred looking at me, and I know he is worried. “Read it,” I say, voice shaking. Not now. I can't handle this now. I need you, Severus.

I hear him pick up the letter, and a few seconds later, he sits down beside me.

“I’ll take care of it for you, Harry.”

Shaking my head, I open my eyes and take the letter. “No, this is something I need to do. I can’t believe I had forgotten about it. Severus was the one who talked me into going; he was the one who found it and booked it. I wasn’t that excited about it, Fred, but now I would give anything to go with him, and I would enjoy every minute.”

“I know, Harry.”

It's too much. Why now? “Fred, I’ll never be able to move on, will I? There will always be something to remind me of Severus.”

“You loved him, Harry.”

“Love…no, not love, Fred. My track record regarding love is rather dismal. Let’s see. First there was Cho — well, we really never were in love, but anyway…then there was Seamus, and we all know he and I were not good together. Then Draco and I got together and the two of us were so perfect I thought. We were so happy, Fred, until he got rid of the baby. Kicking him out was so hard because I still loved him; hell, I still do. He was my first true love, and the first person to actually tell me he loved me. Then came Severus. It took me forever to realize he had feelings for me; I just did not think I had anything to offer him, but he made me see that all he needed was me. Fred, I did not merely love Severus. I worshipped the ground he walked on. It was so much more than love. Sometimes I thought I would die if he ever left because I relied on him so much. Little did I know within five years I would be without him.

“It hurts just as much today as it did the moment he stopped breathing, Fred. I feel so alone, and scared. How can I get through all of this, and now Jamie, without him? And even when I try to move on and experience new things, something always has to remind me of him. I don’t want to ever forget him, Fred, and it scares me to think of one day waking up and not remembering what his voice sounded like. Yet, I must move on with my life; I can't revert into myself, as lovely as that sounds. Jamie needs two parents, and I need to be happy again. Severus would kick my arse if he could, knowing I was spending so much time lamenting my loss of him. I just don’t know what to do.”

Maybe I need to just get it over with and shag Fred; Merlin knows I want to, and once we do that, maybe we can go from there. Until then, I am going to keep making excuses not to be with anyone. I don’t know…what would Fred think if I asked him to stay the night with me?

I miss you, Severus so much, and it hurts me to think of moving on with my life, but if Fred is who I need to be with, I don't want to lose him by continuing to wallow around in my misery. I think I'm ready, but I don't know, Severus. Will you be okay with me and Fred?

I know Severus, and of course he will be okay with Fred.

Said person looks as if he is formulating a complex response to my rant about missing Severus and not going on with my life. Am I going to like what he has to say? I don’t want to lose him. He keeps me sane.

“Harry, I am going to be perfectly honest with you, and I want you to be the same with me, okay? Earlier you asked me to go out to eat with you, and I accepted. This is a date…you and I are going out on a date, Harry. I would say this is progress on your part. I think you will never get over Severus, and I, nor anyone else, expect you to. I would never try to replace what he meant to you. You and I have always been friends, and I only want to build on that. I am not intellectual like Severus, nor do my tastes mimic his. I do have feelings for you, Harry, rather strong ones, but if we do not work out, and can only remain friends, then so be it. I love you already, as a friend. Anything more is added.

“And regarding Draco, I think the two of you have unfinished business, and I am not talking about Jamie. Believe me, I am interested in you and want to see what can happen, but regardless of what you say, I think your future lies with Draco--”

“Are you buggering out of your mind, Fred? **I AM NOT GOING TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN**! If I wanted him, why in the hell would I be trying to get you?” Maybe I don’t want to know what Fred thinks about that. “I am falling in love with **YOU**, Fred, don’t you understand?” In less than a second I am practically shoving my tongue down his throat, and within a minute, the two of us are involved in a mind blowing kiss, the likes of which I haven’t experienced in over six months. It feels so good…he feels so good. I don’t want this to stop, but I pull away. I don’t want to go too fast, and don’t want to press him for more than he can give right now. “I’m sorry, Fred. I--”

Fred shushes me, and engages me in another equally arousing kiss. This time, we do not stop, and he lays me down on the sofa before lying on top of me. The kiss intensifies some more, and before long, my erection is screaming to be released from its confines. I feel his arousal rubbing against mine, and release a loud moan. He looks at me, asking for permission to remove my trousers and pants, and I greedily nod my head, and scream when I feel his fingers caressing my engorged cock. Within seconds, I shudder my release, and feel myself being gently caressed as he whispers softly into my ear as I spasm. I had forgotten how intense such feelings can be. After a few minutes, I open my eyes to see Fred smiling lovingly at me. I cannot speak, but manage to smile.

“I take it you liked?”

“Fred, that was not something I merely liked…that was bloody fantastic, and it was only your hand. Merlin, I want you to make love to me for real now.”

“Sorry, it is me, Fred, not Merlin.”

I roll my eyes at his inane joke, but it emphasizes again how he is the one person who is still acting like himself through all of this.

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Seriously, though, are you sure you are ready, Harry? Maybe we should wait.”

Oh no, please Fred. I need this. “I know this is crazy. I just asked you out on a date not thirty minutes ago, and now I am asking you to make love to me, but I know what I want, and I want this…I want you, Fred.” He doesn’t look convinced. How can I convince him? I need him, doesn’t he understand? “Please?” I practically beg.

“Okay, but not here. I will not have us cramped up on a sofa if I am going to make love to you. Where is your new bedroom?”

“Upstairs, the last room on the right.” Fred picks me up and carries me to my room, lays me down on the large bed, and straddles me. Merlin, it feels so good.

“Are you sure you want this, Harry?”

I nod and smile, hoping fervently that he will cease with the questions.

“If you want me to stop, say so. I will not hurt you, Harry.”

“Fuck, Fred. Damn it, I am not a buggering virgin, you know. I want you to fuck me, and I want you to fuck me hard.”

Fred smirks as he retrieves his wand, and after a few muttered spells, we are rolling around on the bed, kissing as we were downstairs, except this time, we are naked, and I think I am about to come from the feel of his skin against mine, alone. Gods, I missed this. “Fred, please, hurry.” I turn over and assume _operation hard fuck position_ — a term Draco introduced me to.

No sooner have I managed to groan out my pleas, then he curbs my need to orgasm, at least temporarily, by curling his fingers tightly around the base of my cock, even as the fingers of his other hand are slowly stretching me. Arching into those cool fingers is heaven, and I know in a few minutes, I will be writhing in bliss. Oh please hurry, Fred.

“Ready, Harry?”

“Uh huh.” I look back at him and am sure the lust has to be evident. I yearn for him to fill me, but I can’t help but think of…no, not going to think of you, Severus. I am moving on, right? I hope this is okay.

I can’t stop the intake of breath when Fred’s penis breeches me…come on….go in…don’t go slow. I push back hard and hear him groaning.

“Damn it, Harry. You need to stay still or this is going to hurt.”

“No it won’t. Why do you think I am on my hands and knees, Fred? I know what I want and need, and I need it hard.”

Fred is not visible to me, but I hear him chuckle before slamming into me in one thrust. It burns like hell, but I could care less. He is inside of me, and…oh yes, yes…hit that again. It is as though he knows what I like. I push back to meet his thrusts, which are hard and fast, and both of us are grunting like Neanderthals, but yes, this is primitive, so I guess we have every right. I feel his hand grasping my rock-hard cock, and I let out a guttural cry as he swipes his finger over the tip. That, his grunts, my grunts, and his slamming into my body, combine to send me over the edge, and I scream out Fred’s name as I empty myself onto the bed sheets and his hand. I collapse on the bed, boneless. Merlin, let me recover soon so we can do that again.

“Are you okay, Harry?”

I try to regain my capacity to speak, and have to breathe in a few times to do so. “Yeah, I am fine. You were amazing. Thank you, Fred.”

“Anytime, Harry.”

I hear sadness in his voice, and don’t understand. “What’s wrong, Fred?”

“It’s nothing, love, get some sleep. We’ll talk when you wake up.”

I feel the tears threatening, but refuse to cry. “Okay.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 6: Chapter Five: The Flowers Bloom

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17  
**Words**: 2555  
**Chapter**: 5/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You: Chapter Five: The Flowers Bloom ~*~**

I turn over and see Fred staring at the ceiling. Something is bothering him. Perhaps we shouldn't have done this, but he wanted to. “Fred?” He turns over and I can see that his eyes are reddened.

“Yeah?”

“What is wrong? And don’t tell me we’ll talk about it in the morning.” I can see he does not want to say anything. Bugger. I just had to go and mess this up, didn’t I? “What did I do?”

“What makes you think you did anything, Harry? It’s nothing, really. Just forget about it, okay?”

“Fred, did us making love mean anything to you?”

“How can you even ask me that, Harry. It meant more than you’ll ever know, believe me.”

“If it meant so much to you, then, please tell me what has you so upset. I really want to know what I did to make you so sad; you weren't like this until afterwards.” A sigh escapes, and Fred looks at me seriously.

“I’d say you proved my point rather well, and I’d also say that despite my knowing this, it still hurts," says Fred, the hurt he feels, quite obvious in his voice.

What is he going on about? “What hurts? Quit being so obtuse.” Fred chuckles, obviously knowing I am using one of my words learned from being around Severus. Is it so weird for me to use big words? I am not that thick. Well, okay, obtuse is not a word I would use in every day conversation. In any case, Fred is being obtuse.

“I really don’t want to say, Harry.”

“Damn it, Fred. What the fuck did I do?”

"You said Draco's name before...when you...um..."

No, I didn't...I couldn't have. “Seriously?”

“Seriously, Harry.”

Bugger. “I didn’t know.” He rolls his eyes at me. “Merlin, I feel like a real arse.”

“Don’t. As I told you earlier, I thought your future was with Draco, yet I still agreed to make love to you. Can’t say I wasn’t warned.”

“I don’t want to be with Draco, Fred. What we had was really special, but it is different now, it just is. The only person I want is you; why can’t you believe me?”

“Regardless, Harry, you can’t deny you said his name, thinking I was him, or wishing I was him.”

I am such a dunderhead. Shite. “I suppose you’ll want to leave now. I really fucked things up good this time, huh?”

“Nah…it’s fine. I know you have feelings for me, and I know you knew it was me who was making love to you. You just have unresolved feelings for Draco, is all. Don’t worry about it.”

“The hell I won’t. I hurt you, and I feel like a total arse. Can I try to make it up to you?” Please say yes. I am not ready to lose him yet; I just got him.

“Yes, I’d say you can definitely make it up to me, Harry.”

“Good. Get on your hands and knees.” He complies, and oh gods…Fred is so beautiful, resting his head on his hands, arse sticking up in the air waiting for me to slam into it. His cock is also ready for me, nestled in its bed of red hair. I am tempted to taste it right now, but no, it will have to wait. I want to claim him right now. He felt so good in me. I can’t wait to feel me in him. I am going to prove to Fred that he is the one I want to be with, not Draco.

I whisper a lubrication charm, and after getting Fred’s go-ahead, I ease into him, not taking the time to stretch him. The lube should be enough, I think. Fred jerks his body and I feel him tense. Crap, I hurt him. Neither Draco nor Severus were ever this tight. Surely he's done this before. “Fred, are you a virgin? Um I mean, you know, has anyone ever fucked you before? You’re so damned tight, and I know I hurt you; I’m sorry.” Merlin…where did that come from? Surely I didn't just bluntly ask such a personal question. I'm going to drive him straight out of my bed if I keep talking.

I force myself to pause, pushing back the urge to slam into Fred’s body as I hear laughter. I lean over Fred’s body and turn his face to meet mine. “Well?”

“Um, I have always done the fucking up until now, and I am very experienced in that area,” Fred answers sheepishly. "In this area, though, yeah…you are the first. I just never felt comfortable with anyone breeching me unless it really meant something.”

Crap. Damn. “I didn’t even think to ask. You should've told me, or said no. I feel awful now. I guess my pillow talk is not very good, huh?”

Fred doesn't answer, instead he pushes back against me, encouraging me to both pick up my speed and leave this conversation alone, so I comply. Returning to my previous position, I begin thrusting quickly in and out of him, making sure to hit his prostate with each push in. I want to make this as wonderful as he made it for me. I can feel him tightening, and can hear his breath becoming increasingly uneven. I grab his cock, and begin stroking it in time with my thrusts. With a scream of my name, Fred empties himself onto my hand, and I pump his cock to get every last drop of him. After he has collapsed on the bed, I bring up the come-coated hand and lick it clean.

He is mine now. I think I am falling in love with him. I continue to grunt as I steadily increase my thrusts, and shortly after Fred’s, my orgasm rips through me in torrents. I can hear Fred moaning as he feels me emptying myself inside of him. I somehow manage to remove myself from him, then roll us over, and spoon him from behind. I can hear him breathing harshly.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry, Fred. Your first time should have been with someone else. I can’t believe I buggered up so badly.” Fred turns over and I see defiance on his face. He looks upset, and I cringe to think of the words that are about to come from his mouth.

“I always wanted you to be my first, Harry, always, and I think I would have waited forever just to have you in me.”

“Merlin, Fred, do you have to make me feel any worse?”

“Don’t, Harry. As I have already stated, I know where my place in your life is, and I'm fine with that. I will take you for as little or as long as you want. I am not going to lie to myself and think that I am what you want or need, but you are what I need right now, Harry, and I crave what you can give me. Now, that is pathetic, isn’t it?”

No, not at all. I pull Fred closer to me and place my head on his chest. “When Draco and I broke up, and Severus began coming around more, I began fantasizing of him coming to rescue me, and the onslaught of those feelings were ones that happened almost overnight. I craved his touch so much that when we were near each other, I hurt. I fell in love with him and wanted more than anything for him to love me, but I knew he didn’t, and for the life of me, I couldn't imagine why he ever would. You can imagine my shock when Ginny was the one who finally got tired of our games, and dragged me to Hogwarts, and Severus’s office. Everything changed that night, Fred, everything. So, I know what it is like to want something so badly that you’ll do just about anything to get it, no matter the cost. I just don’t want you to regret what we did. I have dreamt of you and me for a while now, and am so happy you wanted me as much as I wanted you. I really am sorry about--”

Fred shakes his head. “Not another word about it, Harry. We go from here, or we don’t go at all.”

I do love Fred. “From here, then.” I close my eyes, and assume he does the same, and feel myself drifting off to sleep, warm feelings permeating my body. I haven’t felt this relaxed since Severus.

~*~

Someone is knocking on the door. Severus? See who is here. Severus? Please see who is at the door.

“Harry? **Harry**?”

“What?” I say groggily as I am shaken awake.

“Um, there is someone knocking on your bedroom door, and I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to answer it.”

“Don’t people sleep around here? The sun is not even up yet. What time is it?”

“4:30 in the morning.”

No one ever wakes me up this early. Ron and Hermione know I am not a morning person. Maybe something has happened. Within a millisecond of this thought, I jump out of bed, spelling on my clothes even as I go, and run to the door and throw it open, and see Hermione and Tonks looking petrified. Tonks has only been in my house one other time. What is she doing here now? Holy Crap…Jamie.

“Where is he?”

Tonks shakes her head as sobs begin to wrack her body. “**_He_** has him.”

Unfortunately, I know all too well who the _he_ is, and it is not Draco. “How did he get him? Hermione, floo everyone right now and tell them to assemble. I am going after him.”

Hermione nods and leaves Tonks and me standing in the doorway, Tonks staring at my bed. Shite. She is looking at Fred. I so want to crawl back into his arms, but my son is missing. “Sorry, Fred, but I gotta go," I say, not thinking to ask if he wants to come help. I race down the stairs and retrieve my cloak before flying out the door. I can hear Tonks trying to catch up with me. “Hurry, damn it. We don’t have time to dawdle.”

“I'm not dawdling, Harry. I didn’t know I’d be chasing after madmen, or else I wouldn’t have worn these heels.”

I don't even think, just point my wand, and the cumbersome heels are immediately changed into trainers. “There, now you can keep up with me.”

Just as we breech the wards at Draco’s, I see Draco holding Jamie to him for dear life. Running up to him, I practically cry out as I look at my son. “What happened?”

“A Death Eater forced Jamie from Tonks this afternoon and ran off with him. Arthur found him about an hour ago walking through Knockturn Alley. He seems fine, but we don’t know what happened. Jamie won’t say anything.”

Oh my God. “Let me hold him, please.” Draco hands Jamie over to me, and I can feel my son shaking like a leaf. “Let’s get inside where it is warm. He is burning up with fever.”

We enter the house and I practically run to Jamie’s room, place him in his bed, and cover him up. “Tonks, get Madam Pomfrey.” Please be okay, Jamie. “Love, can you talk?” Nothing. He stares at me, but says nothing.

Madam Pomfrey enters the room, and shoos everyone out into the hall. “What happened?” I say in a strangled voice.

Tonks shakes her head, still crying. “We were just getting ready to floo to Dumbledore’s office when a Death Eater appeared out of thin air and stunned me, before taking Jamie. It all happened so quickly. I regained consciousness about an hour ago, but Jamie was nowhere to be found. That is when I contacted Arthur. I don’t understand; the spells should have been able to protect him. I don’t understand. He has to be alright, Harry, he just has to.”

The last thing we need is for anyone to get hysterical on us. I see Draco leading Tonks to a chair, and watch as she is handed a cup of tea. Feeling helpless, but trying to keep my composure, I approach Arthur. “What do you think happened?”

“It’s hard to say. Why they gave Jamie back is a bit perplexing. I do think it is safe to say that Jamie was not given back to us in quite the same condition as he was before he was taken. Physically, he seemed untouched as far as I could tell when I found him, but Madam Pomfrey is giving him a full checkup to see what has been done. Voldemort could be using him for anything. He could have placed tracking charms on him, or any number of other curses. I am perplexed why this child has been targeted as he has, although I do know that Voldemort wants to punish Draco for betraying him. It just seems unlike Voldemort, I don’t know why. Something just does not add up here.”

It would if you knew. “What was he like when you found him?”

“He was crying for his daddies to come get him; it was the saddest thing I think I've ever witnessed. He looked so scared. I was afraid he may not come to me when I called him by name, but he did; he seemed to know I was good and not bad. He never spoke another word, but kept looking to the sky. It was rather bizarre, but there is no telling what he was put through.”

“Do you think there is a chance that whoever took him did not get him to Voldemort?”

“Not likely. I have dealt with child trauma before when Bill and Charlie were little and Voldemort attacked the school they were in. I’ll never forget the looks in the children’s eyes. He had personally tortured some of the Muggle children, and the looks on their faces mimic the look on Jamie’s. I am scared to-- Harry?”

No…no…no…**NO**! I open my eyes to see Arthur looking worriedly at me.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

You blacked out and have been out for twenty minutes.”

“Jamie? How is he?” Panic is written all over my face. Anyone can tell Jamie means more to me than they think he should.

“Well, he is...there were some-”

Not waiting to hear anything further, I run to Jamie's room and throw open the door, and see Draco rocking our son. My son’s other daddy looks at me with tears running down his face. “He was marked, Harry.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, plese join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 7: Chapter Six: The Children Play

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2278  
**Chapter**: 6/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You: Chapter Six: The Children Play ~*~**

“No.” Please no. Not Jamie. “Please tell me it is not the Dark Mark…please,” I cry out, looking helplessly at my now sleeping son. He looks so sweet lying in Draco’s lap, a toy wand grasped in his right hand, and a stuffed dragon in his left. Merlin please don't let his childhood be taken away by that sorry bastard.

“It’s too soon to tell. He has the same mark as the other Death Eaters, but there is one difference — his has a lion and a snake intertwined immediately above the Dark Mark. I have never seen anything like it before.”

Approaching my son, I carefully lift his shirtsleeve and can’t help the gasp and eventual sob at what I am seeing. My son’s beautiful little arm is now marred with that hideous skull; it is much smaller than the usual Dark Mark, but large enough. The other mark does not look as bad, and its colors are muted. “Does Dumbledore have any ideas?”

“About that, I think he suspects that you are Jamie’s other father from the looks he was giving me; you know how he can get the eyes twinkling when he wants to. He looked at Jamie’s mark for a really long time, and he looked more curious than upset. Harry, we need to tell him; if he can help Jamie, or give us a clue as to what this means, that is all that matters.”

Of course. “Yeah, sure, whatever. I am guessing everyone is wondering why I have acted the way I have, anyway.”

“No one has said anything. Fred and Ron came over while you were unconscious and Dumbledore sent them to headquarters so they could tell everyone Jamie has been found. I am sure they are probably back by now. Fred was very upset.”

“Yeah, he knows how much Jamie means to me.”

“I think Jamie means a lot to him, as well, Harry. He loves you; I can tell.”

“Don’t do this, Draco, not now. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Draco, why didn’t you contact me when Jamie was first taken? You knew I’d want to know.” Draco looks at me with such hurt in his eyes, that it makes me cringe.

“Do you honestly think I would keep something as important as this from you, Harry? Jamie was to spend the night with Tonks, so I had no way of knowing anything was wrong until Arthur notified me that he was going to look for Jamie. I sent Tonks immediately to tell you. Do you honestly think that little of me?”

“Draco, I don’t know what to think about anything, anymore. This all is so completely fu-- messed up. I mean, I find out I have a son, and a little less than twenty-four hours later, he is kidnapped and marked. This can't be a coincidence, Draco. I’m sorry I didn't trust you more. Until yesterday, I thought you had killed our son; what else was I supposed to think?”

“I don’t know. I just want our son to be okay. If this really is the Dark Mark, we both know what will happen, Harry.”

“Yeah, we do. I went through this with Severus, and I’ll be damned if I allow my son to go through the same hell. I’ll find a way to remove it if it kills me, and that is a promise.”

“You may not have to remove it at all, Harry.”

Both Draco and I turn our attention to the doorway, where Dumbledore is standing.

“What do you mean, Professor Dumbeldore?”

“Draco, if you and Harry will join me in the hall, we can talk. I think little Jamie needs his sleep.”

Draco places Jamie beneath the covers and I watch as he gives our son a kiss. I feel bad for me…really bad, but my heart aches for Draco — he has been with Jamie longer than I have, and this has to be killing him.

The two of us follow Dumbledore into the hall and sit in the chairs along the wall.

“I think the two of you know what I am about to ask,” says a very somber Dumbledore.

He will find out anyway and there is nothing to be gained by keeping this secret from him any longer. “I’m his other father. I just found out.” I watch as Dumbledore nods, and then as he stands and begins to pace. This is making me nervous. What is going on?

“I figured as much. Thank you for confirming my suspicions. Your son has been marked with the full dark mark, thus he will feel the effects just as any other Death Eater would. Voldemort seemingly has just proven to all of us just how far he is willing to go to get the two of you, and how far he is willing to go to assert himself in a position of dominance in our world. If this was Jamie’s future, I might say he’d be better off not being here, however…before the two of you begin screaming at me, and I know you are about to by the looks on your faces…we need to talk about the other mark.”

Both Draco and I nod our heads, scared shitless no doubt at the prospect of our son being better off dead, and also in confusion. Dumbledore does not know how to be tactful or straightforward, does he?

“It is my guess, Harry and Draco, that sometime after Jamie was marked by Voldemort, the other mark began emerging. It is not associated with Voldemort at all, in fact, it is associated with the two of you. It is Jamie's body’s way of protecting itself. The two of you have protected him from any true harm with love and protection magic that activated immediately upon his birth. It is very similar to what your mother used to protect you with against Voldemort when you were a baby, Harry, but unlike you, Jamie was born with this magic in his blood. It is likely it has been with him since he was conceived. In theory, he is immune from anything extraneous injuring him fatally. However, we are unsure how the two marks will react to one other. I am still trying to discover how your Jamie could have been marked in the first place. Voldemort should never have been able to get within fifty meters of him, yet he did.”

“But how then?”

“I just don’t know, Harry I don’t know how Voldemort was able to overpower such protections, but it was possible.”

“So, are you saying that all we can do is wait and see if Jamie’s mark burns when Voldemort calls?" Draco asks, bitterness permeating his voice.

“I’m afraid so. Of course I am going to do everything I can think of to find out what happened. If the mark given to him by your protection is successful, then there is nothing much to worry about. The Dark Mark itself may be hideous, but at least it would be dormant. Now if the two of you will excuse me, I have some business to attend to. Oh and one note of caution. Everyone else still thinks you are Uncle Harry to Jamie. And they also realize that your presence in his life can give him added protection. Please do not tell anyone else your true relationship with him. I do suspect most of them probably have an idea of who you really are to him, but they won’t say anything for fear of what could happen if word gets out.”

“Yes, sir. So, do you think someone is relaying information to Voldemort?”

“It is a possibility. There are too many coincidences here for my comfort, and we did have Severus, after all. It can work both ways. I’ll talk to the two of you later in the day.” With that, Dumbledore disappears.

“We marked him? But we don’t have any marks. I don’t like the idea that we marked our son, Draco.”

“Harry, our Mark could save his life. I just pray to Merlin that it works. I’ll go find that bastard and tear him to shreds if our son is hurt through that blasted Dark Mark. As much as I hated my father, seeing him in such agony when he was being punished through the Mark, was torture for me. I know you felt the same way about watching Severus go through it.”

“Yeah, I did. So I guess we just wait now. I suspect we’ll not have to wait too long. I would think Voldemort would want to test what he has done as soon as possible.”

“I suspect so. Obviously you’re not going to want to leave with all of this happening, so if you want, you can sleep in the room next door. I am right down the hall. We should both try and get some sleep. I have a feeling we are not going to be getting much rest for a while.”

“Thanks, Draco. I need to find Fred, Ron or Hermione and talk to them, then I’ll try to get some sleep.”

“Okay. If you need anything, call Selly. I am going to check on Jamie.” Draco gives me a weak smile, then enters Jamie’s room.

I walk to the front room, and find Ron, Hermione, Fred, and Tonks, all talking quietly. Tonks still looks upset, and I can tell Fred is trying to calm her down.

“Ron, I need to talk to you.” Moving a safe distance away from the others, my countenance falls. “What have you found out?”

“Nothing yet, but don’t worry. We’ll find whoever did this. Dad’s at the Ministry now fire calling some contacts he has. We’ll get to the bottom of this. I’ll not allow Jamie to be hurt more than he already has been.”

“Thanks, Ron. Oh I almost forgot. Last night I received a letter from that agency about the trip Severus and I had planned. It is on the kitchen table. Will you or Hermione please cancel it for me? All the information is there on the parchment.”

“Yeah, sure, Harry, anything else?”

“I’m going to be staying here for a while, not sure how long, though. I’ll come get my clothes tomorrow.”

“He’ll be fine, Harry, we’ll make sure of it.” Ron squeezes my shoulder, and I try to smile, but cannot. All I can do is nod, but I know he understands, and knows what the truth is.

I nod to the others and get Fred’s attention. We move into the hall, and close the door. “I’m going to stay here so I can be near Jamie.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks for last night, Fred.”

“I could say the same.”

Well isn’t this perfect? We sound like two teenagers who are so shy they can't even speak. “I don’t want what happened last night to be a one night thing.”

“Harry, I think you know that what we had was wonderful, but I think you also know that if you and I are to be serious, ever, you are going to have to resolve your feelings for Draco, first. To be honest with you, I don’t think I can take you and I being together, knowing how you feel about Draco. I know you have feelings for me, but my feelings for you are quite deep, and if you and I continue as we are, I'm going to end up alone and hurt, and I just can’t do that. I wanted you last night so badly, and I was willing to sleep with you, even knowing that it was not me who you were really wanting to be with. You were wonderful, and I’ll never forget what we shared. I just can’t--”

“Fred, you don’t--”

“Yes, Harry I do understand. Please don’t make this any harder than it is. I hope we can still be friends, and who knows, maybe you and I are meant to be together, and will be someday, but just not now. There are two others who need you now, and you need them as well.” Fred smiles at me, and I can tell he is trying hard not to show his true emotions.

“We’ll always be friends, no matter what, but I do love you, Fred, just remember that. It is you I want, not Draco. After things settle down with what has happened to Jamie, you and I are going to have a serious talk. I did not make love to you for the thrill of it. I consider what we did to be a commitment, and I don't take it lightly. I would never fuck with someone’s mind that way.” Fred nods his head. I hope he believes me.

“Look, Harry. I’m gonna go, okay? I need to think. Alone.”

“Okay. See you later then.”

“Yeah.”

Damn. Damn. Damn. I really hurt him. Crap. But there is nothing I can do about it at the moment. My only concern should be Jamie, and until he is okay, nothing else will matter.

~*~ TBC ~*~

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 8: Chapter Seven: The Stars Gleam

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2199  
**Chapter**: 7/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You: Chapter Seven: The Stars Gleam**

  
_"Draco, you have some nerve coming back here today.”_

“What are you going on about, Harry?”

“Were you not going to tell me? Isn’t there something I should know?”

“What in Merlin’s name are you going on about, Harry?”

“This. When were you going to tell me, Draco, or were you?”

“Shite.”

“You are pregnant with my child, and you hid it from me? Why?”

“I’m not pregnant, Harry, not anymore...”

“...Get out. Just go. I’ll send your things later. Just get out, Draco. Just Leave. **LEAVE!**"

  
“Harry? Wake up, love; it’s just a bad dream.”

No, it was a nightmare, Draco. A nightmare that we lived together. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I wasn’t asleep. I just can’t pull myself away from Jamie. He looks so peaceful; I’m so scared, Harry. What if our mark doesn’t protect him? I can’t watch him go through what my dad and Severus went through, especially not with him being only five years old.”

“I know. But we’ll get through this, somehow. Whatever it takes, Draco, we’ll get through this. You look worn out. You've got to get some sleep.”

“That's where I'm headed now. Selly is with Jamie. Do you want to talk about your bad dream? It used to help.”

Don’t do this, Draco, please. “No, I’d rather not. Not now.” Does he still love me? Fred says I'm still in love with him. Would it matter if I was? “Goodnight, Draco.”

“See you in the morning, Harry.”

Draco looks so sad…am I part of why he is so sad? I should've known he could never have had an abortion. I can still see the hurt in his eyes as I kicked him out of our house. But what was I supposed to think after finding a picture of our baby from when Draco found out he was pregnant, and then him telling me he was no longer pregnant? He never denied anything I said. Now I know; Lucius was the one who took our baby…he took Jamie from us. He ruined our lives. I was in love with Draco. I thought I would never get over him, but I did. All these years later, I thought I was completely over him, but am I? Fred seems to think Draco is still in love with me, and I can’t deny that I saw the way Draco was looking at me. But am I still in love with him? There isn’t that same spark as there once was, but could it come back? Do I want it to? I am so confused. I thought I wanted Fred, and I still do, but he is right. Draco and I need to resolve our feelings for each other first.

~*~

“How is he this morning?”

“Better, but he still has a high fever. He has been up and down all night. He must be exhausted.”

“As must you. Draco, you have got to get some sleep.”

“I can’t.”

“You can and you will. Now go. I promise I’ll wake you if anything happens.”

“I can sleep in here beside him.”

That’s my Draco. “Draco, you are asking for it. If I have to pick you up and carry you to your room, I’ll do it, and don’t think I won’t.”

“Okay, I’m going. But you better get me if anything happens.”

“I promise, I will. Now go.”

I watch him leave, and then turn my attention to my son. He looks sick; his face is flushed, and hot. Why is this happening to this little boy? He never did anything wrong, so why? It is not he who deserves this. Draco and I are fine with knowing we both are wanted men, but our son should not have to suffer because of us. Please be okay, Jamie. He has to be okay.

I hold his small hand in mine, and can feel him breathing. Does he know how much I love him? Does he know how special he is to Draco and me? How can anyone ever hurt a child? It just seems inconceivable to me that anyone could be so hateful as to hurt a small innocent child.

He begins to stir and slowly opens his eyes. Looking around, he focuses on me and smiles. He has a beautiful smile.

“Good morning, Daddy.”

“Good morning, Jamie.”

“Where is my daddy? He always is here when I wake up.”

“He is sleeping, love. He did not sleep much last night, but if you need him I’ll go and get him.”

Jamie shakes his head. “No, Daddy needs sleep. Daddy, is Aunt Tonks here? That mean man took me away from her yesterday, and she looked so sad.”

“She is not here now, but I am sure she is coming back here to see her favorite person in the world.” Oh it is so good to see my son smiling again. “She loves you so much, Jamie, as do all of us.”

“Aunt Tonks told me that I am special because I have the best daddies in the world.”

Uhoh. “Did she now?”

“Yes, sir.”

Hmmm…So Tonks knows about me. I wonder how? “You know it is very important that no one knows that I am your other daddy, right?” Merlin, I hate this. Teaching my son that it is okay to not tell the truth is so bloody wrong.

“I know. Aunt Tonks said she knew about you, but she told me she knew it was supposed to be a secret. Daddy, why can’t anyone know that you are my other daddy? I can tell people who my Daddy is. Why can’t I tell them about you?”

“Jamie, love, there are some things that you are just not old enough to understand yet. But, the only thing you need to know is that both your daddy and me love you very, very much.”

“I love my daddies, too.”

~*~

“He seems fine. After we talked for a while, he went back to sleep. How will we know if Voldemort is testing Jamie’s Mark if the other mark cancels it out, Hermione?”

“Professor Dumbledore said the Mark should change color, and also Jamie will probably tense somewhat and experience some discomfort, even if the Dark Mark is rendered useless.”

Bugger. I don't want my son suffering. “I guess I should get Draco up since they are about to examine Jamie.”

This is all so unfair. It is me he wants, so why doesn’t Voldemort just come get me? I feel like I am in the middle of a bad dream, Severus, and I don’t know how to get out of it. But I will. I’ll make sure my son is safe. You’ll keep us safe, I know. I know what you are thinking…and okay…I get it. You always said everything happens for a reason. But damn it, surely this did not happen to get Draco and me back together. We live in a fucked up world, Severus.

Well, looks like pretty boy finally got to sleep. He is beautiful, just like our son. You always thought very highly of Draco, I know. What should I do, Severus?

“Draco, you need to get up.” Draco never did do mornings well. Neither of us were much for conversation until mid-morning. “Come on, sleepyhead, our son is about to be examined and I thought you would want to be there.”

He opens his eyes and stares at me. It seems a lifetime since I have seen that look, yet it seems like only yesterday. I always loved our quiet time…just the two of us, not having to worry about anything else.

“Thanks, Harry. I’ll be there in about ten minutes. How is Jamie doing?”

“He’s doing fine. He and I had a wonderful chat this morning, and he is now sleeping soundly again. His fever is still pretty high, but that was expec--”

I turn around as the door to Draco’s bedroom opens, and see Ron, who looks frightened. “What is it?”

“Jamie’s Dark Mark is being activated.”

Shite. Draco, who is half dressed, waves his wand over himself, and the two of us fly out of the room and run to Jamie’s room. I open the door to see that our son is sitting in his bed, looking a bit scared, and a bit uncomfortable, but he is not screaming in pain. Madam Pomfrey is holding his left arm in hers and is examining the two marks closely. Draco and I approach and can see that the Dark Mark has flared. I touch it briefly, and it is warm to the touch. Draco shakes my shoulder and points to the other mark, which is emitting small rays of light, green and red. I’ve never seen anything like it. Looking at our son, he looks at us, and smiles.

“Madam Pomfrey says I have tattoos now. I only thought big people could have tattoos.”

“Usually, yes, tattoos are only for big people, but as there is with everything, you are an exception, my son.”

“Do you have a tattoo, Daddy?”

Draco and I share a very uneasy glance. We both know what the other is thinking. If not for me being the impudent student I was, Draco would have a tattoo, and it would not be canceled out by another.

“No, Jamie, I don’t have a tattoo.”

“Uncle Harry said you were sleeping. Do you feel better now?”

Draco smiles and I can see the tension leaving him. “I feel much better, Jamie, yes.”

“Oowie. I didn’t know tattoos hurt.”

Shite. “Does it hurt very much?” I ask worriedly.

“No, not a lot, but I wish it would stop. Can you make it stop, Daddy?”

Draco sits on the bed when Madam Pomfrey gets up, picks up our son, and whispers in his ear. Whatever he says causes our son to laugh, and he turns to me.

“Will you come sit by me and Daddy, Uncle Harry?”

Of course I will. I join Draco on the bed and know that everyone has to know what the truth of the matter is by now, but I don’t care at the moment. My son needs me and I need him.

“Okay, Jamie seems to be doing fine. I’ll leave the three of you alone now. We’ll talk later. Ron, if you don’t mind, I need you to help me,” says a smiling Madam Pomfrey.

As soon as Ron and Madam Pomfrey leave, I let out a sigh. Looking down into mirror images of my own eyes, I smile. It is so easy to imagine that this is what Draco must have been like as a child. His parents ended up being horrid people, but when Draco was a small boy, his parents showered him with love. Jamie is so dependent on us for everything…I take that responsibility seriously. Our child will never be without love.

“I love you, Jamie.”

“I love you, Daddy, both of my daddies,” says our grinning son. “Why don’t we all live together like most daddies do with their families?”

Leave it to my son to ask us this. What do we say? Do we say anything? I look hesitantly at Draco, who looks tense, but he nods…so whatever we tell our son is up to me. No pressure there. Thanks, Draco.

I hold out my hands, and Jamie crawls into my lap and snuggles into my robes.

“I’m going to tell you a story, okay?”

“Oh, I like stories. Daddy always tells me stories before I go to bed.”

I look at Draco and smile. Anyone can tell he is a wonderful father. “Okay. Here goes. One day not too long ago, two young people fell in love. It was magic, Jamie. They were so happy, and the love they had for each other um…shined…yes, it shined. Then one day, something wonderful happened.”

“What happened, daddy?”

“Well, you see, they found out they were going to have a baby...can you guess who that baby was?”

“Me?”

“Right you are. Your daddy was so happy, Jamie. We wanted you for so long, and you were going to be coming into our lives. You were loved by so many people, Jamie. Your daddy and I may not live together anymore, sweetie, but that means nothing. All that matters is we love you so very much. You have brought so much joy into our lives.”

“Do you love my daddy?”

Argh. Our articulate and observant son…now what do I say? There is no other choice, is there? “Jamie, I love your daddy, very much.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, plese join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 9: Chapter Eight: The Poets Dream

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17  
**Words**: 2439  
**Chapter**: 8/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You: Chapter Eight: The Poets Dream**

Well, I do. I do love Draco, and always have. But looking at his face, he doesn’t look very happy. Thankfully, Jamie is not paying close attention; I'm sure he could sense the tension, if he was. As it is, his eyes are having a hard time staying open. He has been through a lot over the last day, and Madam Pomfrey says he will be sleeping much more than usual for the next few days.

Hearing Draco, I turn to see him telling Jamie to get some sleep, and I smile at my son. Please let him be okay. “Your daddy’s right, Jamie. When you wake up, we have a surprise for you.”

“Can I have it now?”

A true Malfoy, our son is. Who can blame him though? He has been through hell. I look at Draco, who shakes his head, and then I look back at Jamie. “Sorry, you’ll just have to wait until you wake up, okay? Remember that Madam Pomfrey said you need to get plenty of rest. Your daddy and I want to make sure you are okay, so please do what we ask you and hopefully you’ll be all better really soon.”

“Okay, Daddy. I will.”

He crawls out of my arms and snuggles down in the blankets, and I make sure he is properly covered before kissing him on the forehead. “Love you, son.” Will I ever tire of hearing myself calling him son?

Never.

“Love you, Daddy.”

“Draco, I’ll be in your room.” If we are going to have this talk, it is going to be where no one else can overhear.

“Okay.”

I leave, worry etched on my face. I'm so scared that Jamie is not going to react well to having the Dark Mark. He was in pain; whether it was a little pain, or a lot, doesn’t matter. That bastard is hurting my child, and it is not fair...and why did I tell Jamie I loved his daddy? Because it’s true? I'm not sure, really, but I think I do. I hope I didn’t just bugger things up worse with Draco.

I enter Draco’s room, which has been cleaned, and sit in one of the chairs by the roaring fire. So much has happened in the past five years, so much that both Draco and I missed out on. I wonder what kind of life Jamie had before Draco found him? He seems to be doing remarkably well for being with Death Eaters for his first five years, but then, Draco was treated very well until he entered Hogwarts, then his so-called training began.

“Why did you say that, Harry?”

I look up when I hear Draco’s voice, and can't ignore the hurt I see in his face. I can’t seem to do anything right, can I? “Maybe I do still love you, Draco.”

“Oh no. You are not going to do this to me. The other night when I told you about Jamie, yeah, I wanted more than anything for you to say you still loved me, and that you wanted to be with me. I never stopped loving you, Harry. Never, but I think I knew when I saw Fred here with you that we would never be anything more than Jamie’s parents. Then you had to go and reinforce that when you asked me and Jamie to move in with you, but saying we could only be friends. I wanted so badly to say that I couldn’t move in with you, but Jamie needs you in his life as much as he needs me. I don’t know if I will ever stop loving you, Harry, and it is killing me, but I can’t let you play with my emotions like that. Go back to Fred…please. It is him you love, not me.”

I deserved that. “I’m sorry, Draco. To be honest with you, I don’t know what I want right now. I thought I was falling for Fred, and still think I am, but he says I am still in love with you, and for me to resolve my feelings for you first. I am just so confused.”

“What is there to be confused about? You know what you want, not Fred. Harry, what is it that you want? Do you want Fred?”

“I think so. But he says--”

Draco says a few words under his breath and I can feel the magic crackling through the room as Silencing Charms are placed.

“Harry, why in the fuck are you putting so much emphasis on what Fred says? Why would his saying you still have feelings for me mean anything to you?”

Shit. “You don’t understand, Draco.”

“**What the fuck don’t I understand, Harry?**”

“Fine. Are you sure you really want to know? It seems as though I said your name when um…when he and I…and I…God’s don’t make me say it, Draco.” His face cannot decide whether to look horrified or exuberant. Well, he asked, so there it is.

“You, and Fred?”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m happy for you, Harry.”

Is he dense? “**Did you not hear what I just told you?**”

“Yeah, I heard you, Harry. I just don’t know what to say. You really said my name, and had no idea, I take it?”

“Well, all I can go on is what Fred says, but why would he lie about that? I felt horrible, and denied that I had any feelings for you, but Draco, if I said your name, that has to mean something, doesn’t it?”

“Perhaps. So what is it that you want now? Do you want Fred? Do you want me? What does Harry want?”

I’ve really buggered it up this time. “I want our son to be happy, Draco.”

“And I don’t? Look, Harry. My happiness is centered around Jamie, certainly not you, and most certainly not knowing that my father is no longer here to make my life a living hell. I will do whatever it takes to make my son happy, but do you honestly think that you and me being together just for appearances would make Jamie happy? Merlin, Harry, our son is not stupid, and I refuse to play happy house for your benefit. Unfortunately, for me, my father took away my happiness and love when he took Jamie from you and me. You were my life, Harry, and for the brief time I knew I was pregnant, you cannot imagine the love I felt for our son and you, knowing how much love the three of us would share. Then within an hour, my entire life was shattered, and I feel horrible for what I did to you…what I made you believe happened…but Harry…that is what I believed happened…that is what my father made me believe. He took our son and altered my memories. Hell, the only reason I ever found out what truly happened was because of what I saw in my father’s Pensieve. I have no true memories of what happened, and that scares the hell out of me. How can someone just erase your memory like that? Now that I have Jamie back, he is all that matters to me, Harry. You do have a place in our lives, and I will not deny you that, but I refuse to be hurt again. I just can’t do it, Harry. I’m sorry.”

Don’t be sorry. “I understand, more than you know, Draco. I probably should never have said anything, but I did, and I can’t take it back. I’m sorry for putting you in such a difficult position.”

“Don’t worry about it. But you might want to worry about your pillow talk. If I were Fred, I would not be too happy to hear my lover shouting his former lover’s name when having an orgasm.”

We’re not really having this conversation, are we? “Um, well, it is not as if I did it on purpose. I definitely knew it was him, and not you.” And we are so not talking about this, are we? This is surreal.

“He’s a good bloke, Harry, and we know he is great with kids. Jamie will love him.”

“Yeah, he will. Thanks, Draco. I know this is not going to be easy, any of this. You and I do share a son, and even though we can't explain them, we obviously still share some pretty deep feelings for one another as well, but both of us do deserve to be happy, and I do think we can both find happiness.”

“Yeah, I think so too. You never know what is going to happen. I could meet my future husband tomorrow.”

“Right you are, Draco. Well, I think while Jamie is still asleep, I am going to get a few things from the house, and I also need to go find Fred.” Draco is smiling, and it is genuine. He is really happy for me.

“Don’t let him get away, Harry.”

I nod, and disapparate to my house, which is thankfully empty, but I find a note on the kitchen table.

  
_Harry —_

I talked to Fleur this morning, and she wanted me to tell you that her sister is staying with Katie when she comes down for the wedding. Ron and I knew you would want to know. Oh and Fred stopped by to see how Jamie was doing. He really does care for that little boy, as do all of us. As I told you earlier, when you are ready to talk, we’ll be here for you. Now go find Fred...I don’t know what happened, but something did. I don’t relish a confrontation between my best friend and my husband because you hurt his brother, or because he hurt you. Talk to you later.

Love, Hermione

  
I couldn’t ask for better friends than she and Ron. And Fred…will he ever be able to forgive me for saying Draco’s name? I feel properly mortified, and wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t, but I need to find out.

Going upstairs, I gather my clothes and other necessities and shrink them so they will fit in my pocket. Returning to the kitchen I scribble a quick note to Hermione and Ron, grab a few biscuits and a glass of pumpkin juice, then leave. I apparate to Fred’s flat, and knock. Please be here, Fred. He opens the door, and smiles when he sees me. I feel like scum, and he is smiling at me…it is a bit disconcerting.

“Hi, Harry. How is Jamie?”

“Not really sure, but Madam Pomfrey says he will probably be fine. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

“I’m sure he will be fine. Want to come in?”

“Sure.” I follow him in and we sit at the kitchen table.

“So, how are things going with you and Draco?”

“Okay I guess. That is the reason why I came over. He and I do share something wonderful - Jamie, but that is it, Fred. Even if he and I wanted to be more, we wouldn't allow ourselves to go there again. What I'm trying to say is, Draco and I talked today, and have resolved our feelings for each other, just as you said I should do. I'm here to tell you it is you I want, not Draco.” What is that look on Fred’s face? He looks sad, but not too sad. Did I fuck up again?

“Harry, I don’t think you and I can ever be together again. Yesterday I would have hopped into bed again with you in a second, had you asked. My feelings for you were and still are strong, but um…Harry, I think I know who I want to spend the rest of my life with…and it isn’t you. I’m sorry.”

Hmm…wonder who that could be? Yep, looks like I royally screwed things up this time. But it is no less than I deserve, I guess. "No apologies needed. I kind of figured she was your type all along, anyway.”

“Huh?"

Oh come on, Fred. “You are not exactly a closed book, mate. Let’s see. Two nights ago, you and I shared something I’ll certainly never forget, and we both know you and I don't sleep around, so both of us wanted to be with each other and no one else,” even if I did happen to mention Draco’s name in the heat of passion, “So, whomever it is that has you all hot and bothered now, must be someone you have very recently discovered or rediscovered these feelings for. Out of everyone you have been around in the last day, there is only one who it could be. Tonks. Am I right I'm not totally blind, you know. I've seen you look at her. Does she know how you feel?”

“Yes, it is her, and no she does not know how I feel. I am taking things slow this time. I'll never regret what you and I had, but we did go too fast. I know you needed it to move on, but that doesn't change the fact that we should have waited. I'll not mess up what Tonks and I might be able to have. I don't know how it happened, but I think I have had these feelings for a while, and the last couple of days have rekindled them.”

And that is why you will end up happy, and I, alone, probably with an alone Draco as well. “I can’t say I'm not a bit disappointed, Fred, but you do deserve to be happy, and if Tonks is the one for doing that, then all I can say is I wish you all the best with her. You know I am always going to be here for you no matter what, so if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

“I should get back to Jamie. Talk to you later.” Fred seems a bit sad, but I know he is happy, and I am truly happy for him. It is not his fault I fucked up things with him, and then with Draco.

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 10: Chapter Nine: The Eagles Fly

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2184  
**Chapter**: 9/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You: Chapter Nine: The Eagles Fly ~*~**

“Harry; you’re just the person I was looking for.”

Oh wonderful. And I am walking out of his son’s flat. Please don’t ask any questions. “Hi, Mr Weasley. Have you found anything else about how Jamie was taken?”

“We might have. Madam Pomfrey found a foreign magical signature in Jamie. It doesn't match anyone we know of, but it is likely the signature is what allowed Voldemort to have access to your son. It somehow rendered all of Jamie’s protections useless.”

“But then that means someone had to get close enough to Jamie to transfer the signature. Draco told me that no one other than him, me and Tonks has been around Jamie recently.”

“Yes, that is what perplexes me. I have a few more people to talk to, and they might have the answers we need, but at least we know how Voldemort was able to get to Jamie.”

“So is the signature gone now? Did Madam Pomfrey remove it?”

“I’m afraid we can’t remove it just yet. We need it to remain in its current state until we can determine whose signature it is.”

“Then Jamie is left unprotected?”

“Not at all, Harry. Draco’s wards and your own protections are more than enough to keep your son safe. His personal protections are mostly for his use when he is outside of any other protections, like when he was out with Tonks.”

“You are sure he is safe now?”

“Yes; there is no possible way Voldemort or any of his people can get to Jamie.”

Somehow, I am not so sure of that. Someone obviously got to him to render his protections useless, but who…and when? “If you find out anything, please let me or Draco know.”

“I will. I just left there, and Jamie is awake now. He was eating ice cream.”

“Is he feeling okay?”

“He seems fine to me. I think the thing we are mainly concerned with is what will happen when Voldemort calls his Death Eaters to him. We think this morning’s test was only for Jamie, since your scar did not hurt.”

“Yeah, that's what I thought. Well, I’m going to see him now. Bye, Mr Weasley.”

“Bye, Harry.”

Thankfully he did not ask anything about Fred. I feel bad enough without Mr Weasley knowing how much I screwed things up with his son. Oh well, I was the one who was so impatient, so I guess I got what I deserved.

I can feel you rolling your eyes at me, Severus, and agreeing about me getting what I deserved. You always said I had no patience. It's rather pathetic that I keep proving you right, repeatedly.

It is so beautiful outside; you always loved Spring, Severus, when the flowers were beginning to bloom. Every time I pass a Hydrangea bush, I have to smile, thinking of how much you loved them. You must be smiling down on ours, because they are larger than I can ever recall them being. It's still rather cold out, but is not too bad. I'm sure Draco will have the fire going. He's been wonderful about the whole Jamie situation. I always knew he would make a good father, but seeing him with our son, it is so amazing. I hope I'll be a good father to Jamie. I don’t have anything to go on since my uncle was less than ideal as a father figure, so I guess watching Draco will be my guide.

Looks like Tonks is here…uhoh…and George. Shite...No don’t walk this way, please. “Hi, George. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it has. Fleur says hello.”

Uhoh…he seems a bit terse…has he talked to Fred? Those two never could keep anything from the other. “How is she?”

“She is good; busy getting ready for the wedding. I tell you, Harry, I’ll be very happy when all of this is behind us. Between Mum, Hermione, and Fleur, I am about to go crazy.”

"Better you then me, mate. I seem to recall Ron saying the same thing about his wedding.”

“Please don’t remind me. I still wake up with night sweats about that one. Damn near drove Ron to call it off. But, I know they mean well, so I’ll just grin and bear it. Ron says it will be worth it when Fleur and I are married.”

“Yeah, I'm sure it will be. You two are meant to be together.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

“Are you coming or going?”

“Going. I just flooed in to see Fred earlier, and he told me about Jamie.”

I can tell by the way he is looking that he knows about Jamie being my son…of course he would. “How does he look?”

“Like a happy kid eating ice cream. Oh, to be young again.”

Oh, to be happy again. “I’ll talk to you later, George. Tell Fleur I said hello, please.”

“I will. Bye, Harry.”

“Bye, George.”

Well if he knows anything about Fred and me, he didn't seem upset about it. Time to go see my son…and Draco.

Looking at the house before me, I can't help the shiver that passes through me. This is the house Lucius Malfoy lived in, which would shock many people if they knew, because it is not that large at all. But, it is very well protected. But fortunately all of those dark spells were able to be replaced by others when Lucius died… Oh my god…what if some of them were not reversed? That could be how someone got to Jamie. Still, Draco would know if anyone breeched the wards; but I need to ask about this.

Walking in the front door, Tonks is the first person I see, and she is looking at me huffily.

“It’s about time, young man. Your son is asking for you.”

Okay we are going to get to the bottom of this here and now. “Um, how did you know I was his father?”

“Besides the green eyes and messy hair, you mean? I just did my math, and of course my knowing that you and Draco were together during seventh year…it wasn’t exactly rocket science, Harry.”

“But you know not to--”

“Give me some credit, Potter. I am an Auror for Merlin’s sake. I would never do anything to jeopardize that kid’s life.”

Yeah…he just somehow was taken while in your care. “Sorry; I am just so protective of him.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me. If Jamie were my kid, I’d be the same way. Just remember we are here to help.”

I nod as I head towards Jamie’s room, but look back at Tonks. I wonder if she knows Fred is interested in her? I can’t help but be a little jealous. What can she offer that I can’t? I didn’t even know he went both ways. Oh well, it is my fault.

Opening the door, I see Jamie sitting against the headboard propped up with pillows, still eating chocolate ice cream. He looks up when the door opens, and smiles. I am in love.

“Hi, Daddy, want some ice cream?”

“Maybe in a little bit, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Can I talk to you, Harry?” Draco asks, looking serious.

“Sure.”

Draco whispers something in Jamie’s ear, and they both smile. Draco then walks over to me. “In my room.”

Okay...

Once we are in his rooms, he shuts the door, and places Silencing Charms. “I just talked to Madam Pomfrey, and she had some very disturbing news for me about who may have placed the other signature on Jamie.”

“Who was it? I want to know.”

“You.”

What? “What? That's ridiculous; Jamie has a foreign magical signature; how could I place something that doesn't even belong to me on him?”

“I don’t know, Harry. All I know is that your signature was mixed with the foreign one.”

Holy crap. “So, basically, now we're talking about someone who placed the signature on me, making it possible for me to place it on Jamie.”

“Yep. That’s the only explanation we can come up with.”

“Well, I have been around a lot of people; it could be anyone, Draco.”

“Madam Pomfrey said it more than likely was someone you had been in contact with less than twenty four hours before you were in contact with Jamie.”

“Hmm. There was Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, you, Mr and Mrs Weasley, and Fred. Those are the only people I have been around the last two days.”

“Are you sure you weren't near anyone else, like maybe in Hogsmeade?”

“I'm sure, Draco.”

“We need to test everyone you just mentioned, including myself. Someone did this, either on their own, or not…we need to find out who and how.”

"It seems I can't do anything right these days.”

"You didn't do anything wrong, Harry, but no matter what you think, there is someone in the other room who would beg to differ. Jamie thinks you hung the moon. I think his angel being real has completely brightened him. I always told him you protected him. It was hard for me to make him see how, but now with you being here, I think he understands. He loves you so much.”

“And I love him too, Draco. I never knew one person could so completely wrap themself around my heart. I would do anything for him.”

“I know you would; so would I. Before I forget, I think Dumbledore wants to talk to you about what I just told you. He said he’ll be back in a few hours. I'm going to run a few errands, but I’ll be back soon.”

“While you’re gone, Jamie and I will have some ‘us’ time then.”

“Sounds good. Just please don't give him any more ice cream. The child is going to be up all night with all the sugar he has consumed today.”

That’s my Draco. “Then I’ll be up with him. Someone is going to sleep tonight if I have to give them a sleeping draught.”

“Oh, and would that someone be me by any chance?”

I can’t help the smirk that escapes. “How did you ever guess? Seriously, you need a full night’s sleep, and I intend to make sure you get it.”

“My hero,” Draco says, bowing deeply.

“Git.”

“Brat.”

“Ferret.”

“Scar Face.”

There is something infinitely childish about our exchange, but for the two of us, we know it is our way of coping. If ever I need to feel grounded or normal, all I need do is be around Draco. He makes me feel alive. I hope I somehow lessen his burden as well.

“Okay go run your errands so I can go be a daddy.”

“You’re already a daddy, Harry, a great one.”

I quirk a small smile, then leave the room, turning to go into Jamie’s room, but stop when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around, wondering what else Draco could possibly have to say.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Harry. None of us know what it is like to lose our soul mate, and then have to try to go on with our life. There is no tome that tells you what to do in these situations. I think you have handled everything as maturely as one can. I'm just sorry I wasn't there for you.”

“Thanks, Draco. That means a lot to me. I really am trying to get on with my life, but it's so hard when everything reminds me of Severus. Now there is Jamie. Severus wanted kids so badly. He would love Jamie so much.”

“Yes, that he would. Severus loved you, Harry; you were the center of his world. I may not have ever gotten over you, but seeing him so happy more than made up for what I was missing out on. Severus deserved you, Harry, and you deserved him. It's not going to be easy to find anyone who makes you feel like Severus did, but there is happiness to be had, I have to believe that.”

I can’t do this…not now…not ever. Please stop, Draco. “Yeah.” I swear if he makes me cry…”Just go, please.” Draco nods with a half smile, and disapparates.

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 11: Chapter Ten: The Earth Turns

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2247  
**Chapter**: 10/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

**~*~ Without You: Chapter Ten: The Earth Turns** ~*~

“How is my favorite person in the world doing this afternoon? Did you have a good nap?”

“I did, Daddy. Am I really your favorite person in the whole wide world?”

“You are, Jamie.”

“Daddy said you have a surprise for me. Can I have it now, please?”

Jamie is so adorable…I still can hardly believe I have a son…a son so like me. You’re laughing, Severus, aren’t you? He sounds like me, I know. Well, he is my son; what else would you expect?

“I don’t see why not. Close your eyes, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy, they’re closed.”

Too bad Draco is not here to see this, but I have a feeling he wants Jamie and me to spend some alone time together. Snapping my fingers, as rehearsed earlier, Selly appears and hands Jamie’s surprise to me.

“Master Jamie will be loving this. Does Master Harry need anything else?”

“No, Selly, that will be all. Thank you.” After Selly leaves, I look at what I am holding in my hands. She is right; Jamie will love this. “Okay, Jamie, you may open your eyes now.”

The smile on his face is priceless. “Oh Daddy, you got me a kitty cat? Oh Daddy, she is beautiful.”

“That Jamie, is a Kneazle, and ‘he’ is beautiful, you are very right about that.”

“Oh, I love him, Daddy. Thank you. Aunt Tonks has a Kneazle. She says they are very protective of their owners and can even understand people. Is that true?”

“It is all true, Jamie.”

“Does he have a name?”

“Not yet; I thought you would like to name him. Would you?” Jamie gives me a gigantic smile and nods.

“Jade. Can I name him Jade?”

“You can name him anything you want, Jamie. I think Jade is an excellent choice. What made you think of it?”

“Jade is the name my daddy and I gave the angel who watched over me before I knew who you really were.”

“Then Jade it is.”

Someone knocks, and then opens the door, and I see Dumbledore walking in.

“Good afternoon, young Jamie. I see you have yourself a Kneazle.”

“Yes, Uncle Albus, Daddy got him for me; his name is Jade,” says my son with an excitement only a young child can show. Then I see him turn to me with huge eyes, and can see the tears threatening to fall. I can see his lower lip quivering. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it...I'm so sorry.”

Sitting beside my son, I wipe a tear from his face. It is so unfair that he should be terrified for simply telling someone who I am. “It’s okay, Jamie. I would guess that your Uncle Albus already knew I was your daddy. Right, Uncle Albus?”

“Your daddy is right, Jamie. You can ask him, little one; when he and his friends were in school, I had a way of knowing much more than I let on. You didn’t say anything wrong.”

Jamie nods and wipes his eyes. “I was so scared I had messed up. I know how important it is not to let anyone know.”

This is rubbish. Why must my son learn early on how to evade the truth? “Jamie, love, don’t worry yourself about this. It is safe to say that everyone you now have contact with, knows about me.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

Albus looks at me with those twinkling eyes, and nods before turning back to my son. “Now, Jade is quite the name. Did you name him, Jamie?”

“I did; Daddy told me I could.”

“You chose a very fitting name. How are you feeling this afternoon?”

“I feel better. My tattoos don’t hurt anymore.”

“Good. Very good indeed. Do you mind if I talk to your daddy alone for a few minutes?”

“No, sir.”

“Let me call Selly to come and sit with you, then Uncle Albus and I will go talk”

“I’m a big boy, Daddy. She doesn’t need to sit with me.”

“Be that as it may, she is still going to sit with you.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Selly appears a few seconds later, and after a few words, I lean over and kiss my son on the forehead before leaving the room with Albus.

“He seems much improved, Harry.”

“Yes, he does.”

“Despite our previous conversation concerning this, you do need to make your being Jamie’s father public knowledge with the people who are going to be around him. He looked crestfallen when he thought he had said something wrong, and we do not need Jamie being needlessly upset, especially now.”

“Yeah, I guess you're right. I just don’t want him knowing what my lot in life seems to be, and if people think they can talk freely about me with him, they might say something to make him worry about me. He’s been through so much already.”

“He is an extraordinary little boy, Harry. I think you underestimate his capacity to understand.”

“Probably so. I just don’t want him to be ogled at, as I seem to be. It is not something conducive to a normal upbringing.”

“Right you are, Harry, but you, nor your son, are ordinary, and no amount of wishing otherwise is going to make it so. In my experience, it is best to deal with the situation at hand, not try to hide it.”

I know…but... “I know you’re right, Albus. I just feel so unprepared. Draco seems so natural with Jamie; it is as if they have been together forever, and it is obvious that Jamie loves him very much.” Why are you looking at me as if I am not making any sense? Am I?

“Harry, Jamie has been living with Draco for seven months. To a little boy, that is an eternity. I have no doubt that he probably does not wish for his prior life any longer. His life is now with his daddies, Draco and you. It will take time for you to get to the point Draco is now at, but you will get there, that I have no doubt about, Harry. Jamie is already quite attached to you.”

He is, isn’t he? I am quite attached to him, as well. “Draco told Jamie that I was his angel, and would always protect him. They named me Jade, hence the name Jamie gave his Kneazle.”

“So see, Harry, you have a head start. Use that to your advantage; don’t let it be a disadvantage.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I just talked to Arthur and we are going to test everyone’s signatures tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know.”

“Okay.”

“As much as I hate to say this, it would probably be a good thing for us if Voldemort called his Death Eaters. We need to know how Jamie, and his Dark Mark, will react. Please let me know if anything changes. I am going to the Ministry to meet with Amelia about the recent developments with Voldemort.”

“Yes, sir. See you later, Albus.”

~*~ The Next Day ~*~

“You asked to see me?”

“Yes, Fred. I am afraid that you have the same foreign magical signature in your body as Jamie.”

“But how? I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I, but somehow someone has gotten close enough to you, close enough that they transferred their signature. Madam Pomfrey wants to perform some other tests on you.”

“So, you think that Voldemort has me under his control?”

“Probably not Imperius, but there are other methods, I am afraid.”

“Good Merlin, if I am giving him information about Jamie-”

“We’ll find out soon enough, but Jamie is still here, as are you, so it doesn’t seem as if you have provided Voldemort with anything substantial.”

“But it was me who caused Jamie to be marked. Because of me, Harry gave his son that signature.”

I feel so bad for Fred. He should not be involved in this. I am glad Albus asked me to be here when he talked to Fred. He knew it would be difficult on him. It is hard hearing that once again, the bastard known as Voldemort has caused trouble for someone who means a lot to me. Sometimes I think it would be better if I just turned myself over to him, but now that I have Jamie, that isn't an option. “You didn’t know, Fred, no one did.”

“I’m sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“I know that. Believe me, you aren’t the first person Voldemort has used to get what he wants, and you won’t be the last.”

“So what do I do now, Professor Dumbledore?”

“You need to stay in the hospital wing until we know what we are dealing with. I am sure whatever has been done is not very involved. It seems as though for now Voldemort only wanted to get to Jamie, not you. Oh dear me, it seems as though I am being called. Excuse me.”

Dumbledore hurries out of the room, leaving a bewildered Fred. “Fred, I'm sure that by tomorrow everything will be fine. Madam Pomfrey will find out if anything has been done to you, and you’ll be back working with George in no time.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right; Harry, I just feel really bad about Jamie.”

“Well, don’t. I--”

“Harry, sorry to interrupt, but I need to talk to you, immediately,” Dumbledore says from the doorway.

Dumbledore looks serious. “Okay. Sorry, Fred. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

Closing the door, I look expectantly at Albus, needing to know what he has just found out. Is it Jamie? “Okay, I am here, Albus. What did you find out?”

“Vincent Crabbe, Sr has been admitted to St Mungo’s. According to Amelia, the two were discussing plans for the upcoming Ministry conference when he fell to the ground. He has yet to regain consciousness.”

So…there seems to be a connection. I thought it might come to this. “The same as Severus and Lucius.”

“Yes. They do not expect Crabbe to make it through the night. What perplexes me about this if each of the cases is connected, is the fact that both Lucius and Vincent were loyal Death Eaters, but Severus wasn’t. There has to be something connecting all three, however.”

“Well, of course Severus was still spying. Merlin knows Voldemort seemed to know when Severus and I were alone, because it was then that he would call a meeting; that bastard had as much access to him as he had to the other two.”

“This is true. Harry, there is one commonality between each of the three, yet I hesitate to voice it. However, in light of recent events, I will. Both Severus and Lucius died the same week that Jamie was found, in fact, a few days before, if I recall correctly. Now we have Jamie being marked, and a few days later, Vincent Crabbe, Sr is near death. If my theory is correct, it is safe to say it was Crabbe who transferred the signature to Fred.”

“So, do you think Voldemort is covering his tracks by having Crabbe killed?’

“Yes, I do. What I can’t figure out, however, is why Severus was killed, and how? I know we’ve been over this more than a few times, but is there anything out of the ordinary about the time preceding Severus’s illness?”

Just when I think I can stop having to remember how happy we were, he brings it all up again. When will this stop? “No. He wasn’t even called at all that week prior, and I remember the two of us having a wonderful time. He seemed happier than I had seen him in a while.”

“Do you know why he was so happy?”

Does there have to be a reason? Was Severus and I being together not reason enough? “I’ve never thought about it. Anytime we were allowed to be alone together for any amount of time, we were happy.”

“I’m sorry to have to remind you of Severus, Harry, yet again, but I would very much like to prove that Severus had found out about Jamie and was trying to find him. At the moment, it is merely a theory, but it would connect Severus’s death with Lucius’s, as well as Crabbe’s illness. Unfortunately, proving Voldemort had anything to do with the deaths will more than likely be next to impossible. No sign of poison or dark magic was found in either Severus or Lucius. Regardless, I am more convinced then ever that he did something to them.”

Did Severus know? Was that why he was so happy? Because he had found my son? But how? “I need to go talk to Draco.”

“Do you think he knows anything, Harry?”

“Probably not, but I need to find out.”

“Perhaps he will remember something Lucius said to him.”

“I hope so. I’ll contact you if I find out anything.”

“Good luck, Harry.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 12: Chapter Eleven: The Sun Burns

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17  
**Words**: 2618  
**Chapter**: 11/?  
**Beta**: Thanks Magdelena for all of your help :-)  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

~*~ Chapter Eleven: The Sun Burns ~*~

Could Severus have known about Jamie? He was spying, so maybe so. Severus? Did you know I had a son? And Draco. Does he know anything? He did tell me he used Polyjuice to become Lucius so he could talk to Voldemort. Did he tell me everything?

“Who’s there?” Looking around I see no one, but there was someone behind me. I did not live and breathe Severus Snape for five years for nothing. “Reveal yourself or be warned.” Damn…I even sound like you, Severus.

“Hello, Mr Potter. So nice of you to find me.”

Shite. “Voldemort.”

“How observant of you.”

“What do you want?”

“Oh come now, Mr Potter. Need you ask? It is you I want.”

~*~ An undetermined amount of time later ~*~

Holy crap. My head feels like it has been crushed, and I can’t move. Merlin knows what that bastard has done to me. Looking around, I see nothing that looks even remotely familiar, and a quick search of my body reveals that I am wandless. It looks as if your badgering and hard work might finally pay off, Severus…we’ll see. Whatever happens, it better be fast; I need to get back to Jamie. Where am I? Severus? Help me. “Please help me, Severus.”

“Aww. Poor Potter has to call his dead husband to help him. Isn’t that pathetic? Is there not anyone alive to come save you? Or have they all abandoned you?”

You bastard. Go to hell. “They are looking for me now.”

“Too bad they’ll be too late. So sad. Young Jamie does deserve to have two parents raising him. Do you want to know how he came to be called Jamie? I thought it was a most fitting name. I knew he was the one thing you would want, and knowing I had him, and you never would, gave me such pride. Knowing that Jamie was a Potter, but only in name, made me feel as if I had finally won...and now I really have…you might have gotten your son back…but do not be so smug as to think you will keep him. If you do, then you’re the fool I always thought you to be. So, how does it feel to know Death Eaters raised your son for five years? He turned out pretty good if you ask me. We know how to raise them properly, and your son would have been raised in the best of environments if it hadn’t been for that fool husband of yours."

If it wasn't for Severus? What did you know, Severus?

"Why do you look at me like that Mr Potter? Did you not know? Severus never told you he found your son? Oh yes, your husband thought he had the perfect plan in place to rescue Jamie.

“He knew about Jamie?”

“Oh yes, and I am sure you won’t believe me, but it was I who let it slip…on purpose…you could say it was a test of sorts to reveal who was loyal and who wasn’t. Severus thought he had found out without me knowing, and I allowed him to believe that. You see, Lucius had just moved Jamie to another family the week before. I am sure you are wondering what happened to Lucius and why he died so suddenly? Genius really. I put a spell on the boy when Lucius moved him, one that would cause severe illness and the eventual death of any Death Eater who came in contact with Jamie. You see, I could not risk anyone telling where I had your son hidden. So, even though your husband was a traitor and was never loyal to me, he was a Death Eater. That alone sealed his fate.”

“You sorry bastard. When did Severus have contact with my son?”

“Your good for nothing husband decided to use Polyjuice…and become me. Again, I knew. He was such a fool. I had given him your son’s general whereabouts. Once Severus revealed that information to Draco, who had used Polyjuice so he could act as if he were Lucius, the spell placed on Jamie activated once again, in Severus, just as it had been days earlier, in Lucius. You see, the contact with your son did not have to be physical. Severus sealed his fate all because he wanted to make his little hubby happy. Doesn’t that just fill your heart with such joy? He died trying to bring you the one thing he could never give you, himself.”

You sorry prick. Damn you. “Go to Hell.”

“You’ll join me, I have no doubt.”

“So let me get this straight. Lucius had my son moved, so he became ill and died so he couldn't reveal where Jamie had been moved. Then Severus used Polyjuice and pretended to be you. He then told Draco, who was pretending to be Lucius, where Jamie was, so the spell became activated and that is what made him become sick and die? And Crabbe…the latest victim it seems, was the one who took Jamie from Tonks, then to you so he could be marked?”

“Very well done, Mr Potter. You get an A.”

“You aren’t as smart as you think, Tom. You know, killing Lucius, Severus, and more than likely Crabbe, was not a smart thing to do. And my son? Why go after him? What can he possibly do to you? It is me you have always wanted, me who the prophecy is about, so why go after an innocent child?”

“You do think highly of yourself, Potter. Let me give you some advice. Never ever, underestimate me. I have my reasons. Your son may be yours and Draco’s, biologically speaking, but otherwise, he’ll never be yours. We made sure of that with your son’s um…how did he say it…ah yes…with his tattoo. He is my equal now…doesn’t that just warm your heart, _Harry_?”

No one, and I mean no one, will talk about my son that way. Lets see how the bastard likes my wandless magic. “Go to Hell. My son will never be your equal, you bastard. _Nocens__ Abrumpo_ (remove evil). _Constrictum_(bind).”

“Harry!”

Talk about perfect timing. “I was beginning to think no one was coming to get me.” Draco is too busy looking at a very strange-looking former Dark Lord, who is currently tied up and lying on the ground, to pay any attention to me. Did I really just do that to Voldemort? Is it really over? Somehow I always envisioned this major final battle where there are people fighting each other. This is definitely much better, and no one else had to die today.

“What did you do to him, Harry? He is not dead!”

“Very observant, Draco. I think the best possible death for this bastard is a slow one. I already removed the evil from him, and after his soul is removed, then I will finish him off, that is unless you would like the honour. This is all for Jamie, Draco…that bastard wanted our son for himself.”

“I think I’ll be more than happy to end his miserable existence. Thanks.”

“No problem. How is Jamie?”

“Not too good, actually. He sensed something was wrong almost immediately, and became upset. Then Voldemort called his Death Eaters, and Jamie did not react at all well to that. He has been running a high fever for two days, and is in pain…not as bad as it would normally be, but he is in pain.”

“Hopefully our nightmare is about to be over for good, Draco. Let me call Amelia and Arthur, so they can arrange to get a Dementor out here, wherever here is, then you can finish this filthy piece of slime off.”

~*~ Two hours later ~*~

Draco and I walk into our son’s room to find him sleeping restlessly. Hermione is sitting by him stroking his face. He looks so pale. I hope this is over for good. Jamie, Draco, and I need this to be over.

“Hermione?”

“Harry!”

“Shhh. Outside.” The three of us walk out into the hall and leave the door cracked so I can see Jamie. “Is he any better?”

“Not that I can tell, although he was actually sleeping fairly peacefully until about thirty minutes ago, then he became very restless.”

Oh Merlin. “Hermione…Voldemort is gone…for good…he is not going to hurt anyone ever again.” My best friend seems to be in shock, and then she runs to my son and lifts his shirt sleeve carefully, trying not to wake him. But there is no smile coming from Hermione…what did we expect? That the Dark Mark would be gone? Yes, that is exactly what we thought would happen. But it's not like we knew what would happen. Damn. But at least Voldemort is gone…that is good news. Jamie will just have an ugly tattoo now.

Hermione looks as though she is about to burst into tears, and I can honestly say I feel close to it myself. I glance at Draco, and he has fallen into the rocking chair and is sobbing like a child. This is so unfair. I should be happy…the bastard is gone…but the mark isn’t. Why? “Why?”

Sometime later, I feel someone…Draco lifting me from the floor, and helping me into a chair. He is talking, although tears muffle his words. It doesn’t matter what he says. It will all be okay. I fulfilled the prophecy today, and Jamie will no longer be a slave to Voldemort. We should be happy for that. After all, it is only a mark that is left…just a stupid old mark…just like Severus had…it always comes back to you, Severus…and that is comforting…my two favorite people were not related at all, yet you and my son shared something that I’ll never have.

“Draco. He is going to be fine.”

“But he looks so pale.”

“That is because he is, Draco. He is a five-year-old little boy. Even with his reactions being muted by our mark, the Dark Mark being activated put a lot of stress on Jamie. It will probably take him a while to recover…but Draco…Voldemort is gone…don’t you see? Jamie is free now. So, yes he is sick now, but we’ll make sure he gets better. I'm just so happy that he will get better. That monster won’t have a chance to take him away from us now.”

“It’s just so much, you know? So much has happened this past week. Harry, when our son was marked, I thought I would die. I have never hurt so much in my life. He is my reason for living now…and until two days ago, he was my only reason for living. But, when you did not return, and we discovered you were missing, Harry, I felt so lost. In that moment after I found out Voldemort had you, I prayed to Merlin that he would bring you back to Jamie and me. I asked Merlin to bring my family back to me. I was so scared I’d never see you again. You don’t know how much I missed you.”

We both look at Jamie, and he seems to be sleeping more peacefully. I point to the hall, and just as we are leaving the room, Dumbledore walks in. Perfect timing.

“Did Arthur fill you in on what all happened?”

“He did, Harry. I’m proud of you, more than you can ever imagine. Your son has a lot to be proud of in you, and I intend on telling him everything. You too, Draco. I never could have imagined eleven years ago that the two of you would have a son together, but you do, and I am so proud of the way both of you have handled everything. Jamie is one loved child.”

“Yes, he is, and will always be. Thank you, Albus,” says a smiling Draco. “Your words mean a lot to me. I know I have not been the most agreeable young man over the years about Voldemort, but now none of that matters. I am just glad it is over…or so we think. It is over, right?” Dumbledore frowns and furrows his brows.

“I certainly hope so. I mean, there was Grindelwald before Voldemort, so I suppose we’ll have someone else to contend with in the future, but for now…it does seem to be over. If the two of you will excuse me, I need to go meet with Amelia now.” After Dumbledore leaves, Draco and I return to sit with Jamie, our conversation of only a few minutes earlier forgotten for the time being.

What Dumbledore said should make me feel better, but it doesn’t, not really. I’ll never feel at ease I don’t think…I guess it comes with being Jamie’s daddy. No one will hurt my son again…no one.

~*~

“Harry. Harry?”

“Who is it?”

“Draco. Ron is going to stay with Jamie for a few hours; you and I need to get some sleep.”

“Don’t want to leave him.”

“Harry. Be sensible. He is going to need us to be awake tomorrow. We both could stand a few hours of rest, especially you. You probably haven’t eaten or slept properly in two days.”

Who cares? “Not hungry.”

“But you are sleepy. Come on grumpy; let’s get you to bed.”

My glare is quite pathetic I'm sure, but Draco sees it.

“Don’t think that is going to work on me, Harry. Remember who I am…I know all of your tricks.”

“Yeah…you do, don’t you? Fine, I’ll get some sleep.” Ron is laughing silently as the two of us leave Jamie’s room, and once the two of us are in the hall, Draco turns to me and looks serious...more serious than I ever recall him looking before. Uhoh…that is never a good thing.

“I just wanted to thank you.”

“Draco, we’ve been over this. Vold-”

“Harry, this has nothing to do with Voldemort. I just wanted to thank you for everything…most of all, for Jamie. For whatever reason, you and I were not meant to be together, but we have this wonderful child together, and I do hope you know how important you are to me. I don’t want us to hate each other, Harry. I couldn’t stand to go back to the way things were after I left.”

Draco could wait until we both got a few hours sleep to have this serious talk…I am sure both our brains would thank him, but of course that is not what is happening. Sleep can wait, I guess.

“Draco, I hated what you supposedly did to our child and me…I never hated you. Had I known what truly happened, you have to know I would've knocked your door down to find you again. When you left, even though it was I who made you go, I was completely miserable. You and I had not been together that long, not really, but you do know how close we were. Getting over you was almost impossible.

“Severus finally managed to work his way into my heart, and slowly, I fell in love with him. What he and I had, Draco, was so special…I can’t even begin to describe it. He truly was my soul mate, and we fit together in every sense of the word. I loved Severus as I have never loved anyone else. He and I rarely spoke of you because Severus knew how much you had hurt me, but also because Severus knew there was a part of me that would always be yours. He knew he and I were as in love as two people could be, but he also knew I loved you…and would never stop. He did try to make me talk about it a few times, and he never got upset. I think if I wanted to, he would have marched me back to you and demanded you and I get back together. He was so loving, Draco. He only wanted me to be happy. I am happy, Draco, truly. I have my son, my friends, and like it or not, I have you too; you’re stuck with me since I am also Jamie’s father.”

“Forever?”

“And ever.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 13: Chapter Twelve: The Breeze Warms

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2155  
**Chapter**: 12/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

~*~ Chapter Twelve: The Breeze Warms ~*~

~ A week Later ~

“Okay, well since everything seems to be in order for the reception, I'm gonna go. I’m going back to my house this evening, so I want to spend as much of today with Jamie as possible.”

“But I thought he and Draco were moving in with you. What happened?”

“Nothing. For a little over a week I've been a constant in my son’s life, but Draco has been there for the past seven months, and I think Draco should spend some time with Jamie, preparing him for the move."

“Yeah, I guess, but you won’t give him too much time, will you? You are as much that little boy’s father as Draco is.”

“George, this is not a popularity contest. It is not about who Jamie would rather be with. I am not competing with Draco.”

“I guess you know what you're doing, but you just seem so different somehow. You’ve changed.”

“Of course I have. Jamie has changed me in many ways, all for the better.”

“I hope Fleur and I can be as good of parents as you and Draco are.”

“You will, George.”

“Thanks, Harry. Fleur is with her mum and mine right now, so it may be a while, but I’ll be sure and have her floo you the information about the additions to the guest list when she gets home.”

“No rush. Um, this is a bit awkward, but how is Fred doing?”

“Great as far as I know. You know him; he doesn’t stay down for long. I think he and Tonks are planning on going out tomorrow night.”

“Really? Good for him. I feel like a total arse. I just hope he and I can still be friends.”

“Harry…mate…this is Fred we are talking about. So what if the two of you shagged and decided not to go any further. He still thinks you hung the moon…not even Tonks will rid him of that notion. I dare say if it were not for the fact that my brother wants to get you and Draco back together, he would be here right now trying to woo you.”

“Thanks; you are really making me feel so much better, George,” I say rolling my eyes. You’re supposed to be making me feel better, not worse. “Well, if it weren’t for Draco, there is no doubt who I would want to be with now. Merlin, George, it is so confusing. I really am finding myself back in seventh year all over again. What is it about Draco Malfoy that I can't resist?”

“Truthfully?”

“Yep.” George always did know when I needed a dose of reality. He can make me see things others can’t; I wonder what his words of wisdom will be this time?

“I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries as a friend here, and if I am, I'm sorry, but I think the reason you fell for Draco in the first place was because he and you had such a venomous relationship for six years. The two of you ran with different groups, and did not know much about the other besides what you wanted to think. Draco’s groupies adored him and thought he could do no wrong. Your friends were not so different, Harry. By the time you and Draco started to truly know each other as individuals, you each craved normalcy and acceptance for someone who was not this bigger than life person that your friends had made you out to be.

“Draco gave that to you, you gave that to Draco, and I can tell you that it was such an amazing experience to watch. Draco brought out the best in you, and I think you did the same for him. I think only one other person existed that rivaled Draco’s calming influence on you, and that was Severus. They each grounded you, even when you really didn't need it. I think you felt safe with them, as well you should have. So, it's not any surprise that you are having all of the same feelings again. Remember, the two of you did not fall out of love with each other. I think you probably still love Draco as much today as you did five years ago when he left.”

“I do, George, and that scares me. It's different now, though. I'm not giddy around him, and I don't long to be in his arms as I did when we were originally together. Now it is more of a contented feeling when we are together, and I feel so at ease around him. Last night after we tucked Jamie in bed, Draco and I went outside and sat under the stars just as we used to do at Hogwarts up in the Astronomy tower. Draco told me how unprepared he felt to be a father, and how scared he was that something could possibly happen to Jamie. He was so unsure of his own abilities, George. It was sad to hear him voicing these thoughts, but all I could think of was that I wished so much that his so-called friends who placed him on this impossible pedestal all those years ago, could hear him now, and see how scared and alone he truly feels.

“I know from my own experience how sometimes I need help, and crave it. It is a lonely place to be when you see your friends happy and you are on the outside looking in. People always tried to leave me alone, thinking I wanted my space, or thinking I was too superior to listen to what they had to say. I know Draco felt and feels the same. He is a wonderful father, George, and I want to prove that to him, but I am so scared that in the process, I'm going to find myself longing for something I can never have. That is a hurt I don’t ever want to face again.”

“Yeah, I can understand that. I bet you anything though that Draco is having the same thoughts you are.”

“Maybe. Wouldn’t it be nice if people could just come out and say what they feel?”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

“Thanks, George. You always have something good to say when I need it."

“Well, you know I think of you as my little brother. I’ll always be here for you, and Harry, you know I'm not the only one. Ron and Hermione love you, and want you to be happy. So does Fred. Don’t push us away.”

“I won’t.”

~*~

It's so nice to see Jamie running around the yard, chasing Jade; the events that began almost two weeks ago seem to have had little effect on him. Looking over at Draco, I can see the happiness on his face.

He is still worried something will happen to interrupt our peaceful existence, but then again, he grew up with Lucius, and that certainly would be more than enough reason for him to be worried about bad things happening. I'm worried too, though. Albus told me my son is not and never will be normal, and even though he did not come out and say it directly, I know he wants Draco and me to be prepared for the possibility that Jamie is still being sought out. That terrifies me, but we can't live each day as if it is our last with him. We need to act normal and happy…and I for one am not acting. I am happy.

Two weeks ago, I was trapped in my grief over Severus, and thought I would never be able to get out of the depression I had fallen into, but I have, and Fred, Draco, and Jamie are to thank for that, as well as you, Severus. I know because of what you taught me that I must go on with my life and create new memories to add to the wonderful ones you and I made together.

“I want my daddies to come play, too.”

Draco jumps up and runs to our son, and I laugh. Oh what I wouldn’t give to have his friends from school see him now. He is such a natural with our son. “Hey, you two, wait for me.” It doesn’t take me long to reach them, and I run up behind Draco and tackle him to the ground, and hold him down as I smile at Jamie. “I think someone is ticklish; what do you think, Jamie?”

Within seconds, I have Draco begging me to stop, but then Jamie joins in and we tickle him together for a few minutes before I stop and watch my son laughing. Within seconds, the two of them have me on the ground and are tickling me like crazy. I am laughing harder than I have in a very long time. Draco has me pinned down and is telling Jamie where I am most ticklish. Oh Mister Malfoy, you will pay for this. Finally, they stop, and allow me to regain my breath. I could do this every day and be perfectly content. Draco and Jamie are all I need.

I stand up and lift Jamie into my arms. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me. I am addicted to this now...who knew being a father could be so rewarding?

“Daddy, I don’t want you to go.”

Merlin. “It won’t be for long, Jamie, only a few days. You and your daddy are going to come live with me; would you like that?”

“Where do you live?”

“Not far from here.”

“Why can’t you move here?”

It is safer for the three of us to be in my house with all of its offered protections. “I just can’t, sweetie, but I think you’ll like my house just as much as this one, and Uncle Albus lives really close, so he can come visit you more. I bet that will make you happy.”

“Can Aunt Tonks come visit me too? Does she know where you live?”

“She does, and yes, she can come visit you there.”

“Okay.”

If only adults could be pacified as easily. I grin at Draco, and his grin increases.

“Jamie, you have your daddy wrapped around your little finger,” Draco says smirking at me.

“Oh I think there are two of us there, not just me, Draco.”

“Daddy? Why do you call my daddy Draco, but I have to call him Daddy?”

Very good question. “All children should call their parents Daddy, even when they are adults. You know that sometimes your daddy calls me Harry, but you can only call me Daddy? That is just how it is…and how it has always been. But I do think perhaps to make it a bit easier for all of us since there are two of us daddies, maybe it would be easier if you called me Daddy Harry, and your daddy, Daddy Draco.”

“Oh can I really?”

“Yes, you may.” Draco nods in agreement.

“Do you have a daddy?”

Our inquisitive son’s mind at work once again. I look at Draco, and know he is feeling very much the same as me. Neither of us have our daddies anymore. Truth be told, I never had a daddy. I look into my son’s eyes and take a deep breath. “No, love, my daddy isn’t here anymore.”

Jamie is looking at Draco, and my heart is beating a hundred miles a minute I think. It’s okay, Draco.

“My daddy is not here anymore, either, Jamie.”

“But neither of you are going to leave me, are you?”

You don’t ask easy questions, do you, my son? “Jamie, I'm not planning on going anywhere for a very long time, and I know your daddy Draco feels the same way.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 14: Chapter Thirteen: The Clouds Move

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 3353  
**Chapter**: 13/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena — you’re the best!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

~*~ Chapter Thirteen: The Clouds Move ~*~

  
_My Harry —_

I was going to wait until tomorrow to tell you, but decided to write this down instead. I don’t know what is going on, but I feel different, as if someone has poisoned me. I am feeling weak, Harry. If I were anyone else, you would surely dismiss this as them being dramatic, but you know me, and me being poisoned is not such a far fetched idea. Regardless of what is going to happen to me, I must tell you what I now know.

Harry — you have a son…his name is Jamie, and he is living with the Rookwoods. From the information I have been able to obtain, he is in good health, but he is not safe living with those people. I don’t know why any of this is happening, all I know is that Draco did not dispose of your child; he is very much alive, love. Draco had no part in taking him from you. Regardless of what happens to me, you must get your son and notify Draco of his existence. Lucius shouldn’t be a problem at the moment as he is seriously ill, but please be careful, Harry. Your son needs you.

Love always, Your Severus

  
Merlin. He was trying to tell me. Severus did know about my son. He was trying to tell me, but he collapsed before he could…that is what he was trying to tell me. Why didn’t I listen to him?

“Harry?”

“In here, Draco.”

I turn to look at my son’s other father and hold out the letter for him to read. “I just found this.” Draco carefully takes the letter, but looks at my shaking hands before reading it. I hear his breath catch and see his eyes widen.

“He knew, Harry. That bastard killed Severus because he knew.”

All I can do is nod.

“Where did you find it?”

“In the secret compartment in my chest of drawers. I would look through it every night to find out what Severus knew. He couldn't risk speaking of what he found out on his spying missions, but he kept very detailed notes for me and the rest of the Order. He obviously intended for me to find this immediately after his death. I should have looked as soon as he went into the hospital. Perhaps we could have saved him, Draco. How could I have not looked? He told me--”

I feel Draco sitting beside me on the bed Severus and I once shared, and allow him to wrap his arms around my now shaking body. I am suddenly so cold again. I miss you, Severus.

“Harry, everything happened as it was supposed to. Don’t second guess what happened. Severus would not want you to, and I don’t want you to. Severus found our son, and as a result he died. He died, Harry. But he gave you and me another chance with our son. Don’t question that, please. I miss my godfather so much. Severus was the one person besides you who I talked to daily. He helped me in so many ways, Harry. I could tell he was tired and more than a bit depressed about things, but he never allowed his own personal feelings affect what he was telling me. He assured me that my future would not be bleak as his was, because I refused the Dark Mark. He gave me the courage to ask you out for our first date; I bet you did not know that.”

No, Severus wouldn’t have told me anything about Draco and me getting together. “No, he tried not to talk about you very much, which I appreciated.”

“Yeah, I can understand that. But yeah, he coached me, you could say, all so I could ask you out.

“When I found out he died, Harry, I was devastated. That was the same week I found Jamie, and if it hadn’t been for our son, I would probably have closed myself up in my house and never come out again. I truly thought that Severus was the only person who believed in me anymore. I now know I was wrong. Severus tried to instill in me a belief that good things could happen to me. When he died, I didn’t understand why it had to be him. Now I do. Harry, Severus gave us Jamie. I think he died happy. Please do not second guess his last act of love for you.”

Draco? I knew he had a heart, but I’ve never heard him speak like this. “You sound like Severus.”

“Well, he was my godfather.

“I suppose you’re right. He wouldn't want me or you wasting time thinking about what we could have done differently. I can hear him saying to me right now, ‘_Harry, the time for grieving is over; now get on with your life with Draco and raise your son together._’”

“Yep, he would definitely not be happy, but I do think he would and does understand. He was so protective of you, but in this instance he really cannot protect you.”

I smile at Draco and slowly shake my head. “But you’re wrong; he is protecting me, Draco. I feel him here with me. He is helping me.”

Draco is now sitting against the headboard with me in his lap, resting my head on his chest. I feel so protected. Thank you, Severus. I won’t disappoint you.

“Draco?”

“Yes, love?”

“Is there hope for us?”

“There is always hope, Harry.”

~*~

“Daddy Harry? Look at me. Aunt Tonks said I look smart.”

My little man; don’t grow up too fast, Jamie. “Why yes, I would say you are looking very smart in your new dress robes, Jamie. Aunt Tonks did a good job of finding just the perfect ones for you.”

“I get to be in Uncle George’s wedding tomorrow.”

“I know. Now tell me again what you are going to do?”

“I am going to give him and Aunt Fleur the rings. I am the ring bear.”

"It's ring bearer, sweetie, and it's a very important job. You will do fine, I have no doubt, but for now, I think you best take off those nice robes so Selly can hang them up for you. Your daddy Draco and I are going out for a little while, but we will be back soon. I think Selly said she was going to start preparing for the reception tomorrow. If you do not get in her way, I'm sure she would let you help her.”

“Okay. See you later, Daddy Harry.”

I smile as my son ascends the stairs. It's been a month since he and Draco moved in with me, and Jamie seems to have assimilated himself with his new surroundings. Draco is another story, however. We seem to be getting closer; our conversations have steadily become more intimate, and once or twice, the two of us have come close to kissing, but for whatever reason, we haven’t.

Draco seems scared of us getting involved again. I'm not exactly feeling confident about him and me, but over the past few weeks, my feelings for him have been increasing. Whatever happens, we have to take this slowly. I don't want to be hurt again, and Draco is obviously still hurting. I don’t know how to approach him anymore. I have to give him the space he wants, but it is so hard when he seems to want me but then pushes me away.

Oh well, maybe that is what today will be about; perhaps we can get past our history. I think it's Severus who is keeping Draco away from me. I know he misses Severus as much as I do, and he probably feels a bit awkward about getting involved with me when I seem to still be in love with my dead husband. I guess I never really stopped to think that this entire situation was going to be hard on him. Draco was always the stoic one out of the two of us, but he is human after all. Maybe I have been so concerned about myself that I haven't paid enough attention to what Draco needs. Well, that's going to change, starting today.

Where is he? He was supposed to meet me here at noon. “Selly?”

“Yes, Master Harry?”

“Do you know where Draco is?”

“Yes, Master Malfoy tells Selly before he leaves he is going to see Master Severus. Oh, Selly is sorry she speaks of Master Severus. I know it makes Master Harry sad.”

“It’s okay, Selly. You don’t ever have to be careful about saying his name around me, okay?”

“Yes, Master Harry.”

“Okay, well then, it looks as though I am off to the cemetery. Please make sure Jamie does not go outside while we're gone.”

Selly nods and I smile at the stairs as I hear Jamie talking to Jade. Reluctantly I leave and Disapparate to Hogwarts, then walk to the cemetery. I haven’t been here since I found out Jamie was my son. It just hurts too much, and I really don’t think of Severus as being here. I feel closest to him at the house, especially in our room. I know I'm still spending too much time brooding over him, but the pain is just as real today as it was when he died.

I can see Draco kneeling in front of Severus’s headstone and am curious what he is saying, but I won't interrupt. This is private, and I know Draco needs his time alone with his godfather. It is easy to forget that Draco knew Severus longer than I did. I know Draco looked up to Severus, and I know that Severus thought a lot of Draco. I think this has to be difficult for Draco. He's only been here once before, so I know him coming here today is very meaningful. I just wish I could help him.

“I know you are there, Harry. Join me?”

I slowly approach and kneel beside him. He takes my hand in his and squeezes it. I can tell he has been crying. I look at the headstone and shake my head. I’ll never get used to seeing ‘Severus Snape born January 9, 1959 - Died August 03, 2003.’ It should not be this way. You were too young, Severus. We didn’t have enough time together, love.

Draco looks at me; I can see him through my peripheral vision, but neither of us speaks for a long time, then he clears his throat.

“Harry, I needed to talk to Severus about you and me. I have been going crazy trying to figure out what is happening. He always knew what to do in difficult situations, so I thought he could help. I need him to tell me what to do.”

My heart hurts for Draco, and for you, Severus. When I bonded with you, it was forever; there was no ’til death do us part. Now, you are asking me to give my heart to Draco. I know he wants that, and I want that, but it still hurts. Draco is so scared, and seems so nervous. I have tried talking to him. What else can I do to assure him that I am here for him, no matter if we remain friends or become more?

I think he wants your permission, Severus. He still loves me, and Merlin help me, but I still love him, too. It hurts so bad sitting here knowing your body is so near, yet so far away. I want to touch you again so badly. I want to make love to you, and never let you go, but as much as I want you here with me, it can't be.

Albus told me that it was probably because of you I now have my son back in my life, and then I found the letter you wrote to me, confirming that you did know about Jamie. I'm just sorry I didn't find it sooner; you might still be here if I had. Jamie is everything to me, Severus. I am sorry you were the price to pay for him to be in my life. As usual, it seems everyone ends up getting hurt because of me. What do I need to do? Please tell me, Severus.

A sudden gust of wind causes me to wrap my cloak tighter around me, and I see a small pink ribbon on the ground that has been blown off one of the headstones. It is a small headstone, and as I adjust my eyes, I can just make out the words:

  
_Alice Dempsey — born and died April 18, 2001._

  
A baby who never had a chance to live. I wonder what happened?

I feel someone put their arms around me, and open my eyes to see Draco looking at the headstone as well. I realize I am crying, and then see Draco doing the same.

“I’m sorry, Draco. I should've known you could never have gotten rid of our baby. I should've believed in our love more.”

Draco nods and hugs me. We remain in front of Severus’s resting place and cry for a long time. It feels so good to have someone to share my grief with.

“I miss him so much, Harry.”

Me too. “He loved you, Draco. He was so proud of you.”

“Probably, but I think he would probably not be too proud of me now. In fact I think he would be yelling at me for feeling so badly about him dying, but I do. Maybe if I hadn’t pretended to be Lucius, then Severus would not have--”

“Shhh. Don’t say it, Draco. There is nothing we can do to change what happened. If you hadn’t done what you did, then Jamie probably wouldn't be with us right now. Severus always told me things happen for a reason, and I have to believe this is no different. Severus gave you and me a second chance with Jamie and we owe it to him to make sure we don't mess it up.”

Draco wipes his face on his robe sleeve and tries to smile as more tears run down his face. “And he is giving us a second chance too. He would not want me to leave you alone just because I was scared of you not loving me as you loved him. I do love you, Harry, more than anything, but I was so scared. I _am_ scared of never quite being what you want or need, but something happened today, what, I don’t know, but being here and pouring out my soul to my godfather helped me sort out my feelings. I do want to be with you, Harry, and I want to grow old with you. I’m just so scared, but I think we can make this work.”

Draco sounds certain about what he is saying, but is he really? “You didn’t say anything when I apologized for accusing you of ending Jamie's life. I know I hurt you, Draco. Everything our relationship was based on was completely ignored by me that day. I should have known. Will you please forgive me?”

I can see this is hard for him, and it should be, but if we are to have any chance of moving past this, I need his forgiveness. “Please?” I say as I try to stave off more tears.

Draco nods his head slowly and I can see he is trying to smile. “Yeah, I think I can forgive you. Merlin, you are irresistible when you cry.”

“Git.”

“Brat.”

Clearing my throat and wiping my eyes, I take Draco’s hand in mine and we both turn to look at Severus’s headstone. I know you are smiling, love. Is this what you wanted? Knowing you, you knew it all along. I look at Draco and he is about to laugh. “What?”

“You know Severus is rolling his eyes at the two of us, don’t you?”

“And just why would he be doing that, Draco?”

“Cause we are coming to him for advice, Harry. I can hear him now. ’Come on Harry and Draco, I am dead...how am I going to help?’”

“Probably, but Severus knows that he helped; he always knew that just being near each other was all we needed. No words ever needed to be exchanged. When I was upset, all I needed was to be around him, and he would make it all better.”

“So, has he helped you today?”

“I’d say he helped both of us; wouldn’t you?”

“I would.”

I look back and blow a kiss. I love you, Severus. “Thank you, love.”

I watch Draco looking wistfully towards Severus, and see him nodding his head as he smiles. “Thanks, Severus.”

“Let’s go see our son, okay?”

“Okay, Harry.” Draco wraps me in his arms and we Apparate back to my house, but he doesn’t let go immediately. “Can I kiss you?”

“Well, I don’t know, can you?”

“Insolent Gryffindor.”

He slowly lowers his head and claims my lips in a soft chaste kiss before lifting his head and looking at me. “I think I showed you I can. Now may I kiss you?”

“You may.”

This time, Draco claims my lips and has me moaning in mere seconds. Our tongues eventually intertwine, and I hear him beginning to moan. His taste is intoxicating, and I am addicted to it already, once again. His long elegant fingers are carding through my hair, and I can feel his erection pressing against my groin. If we don’t stop now, someone might get a not so innocent show.

Somehow, I manage to pull away. “We have to stop, or we might find ourselves on the front page of _The Daily Prophet_, Draco. We are still outside of the wards.”

“Well, to be honest, if I have to be on the front page of _The Daily Prophet_, there is no one else I would rather be on it with.”

“Ha ha, very funny. Do you want our son seeing us in the throes of passion?”

“Hmm…Merlin NO!!! Jamie does not need to know about sex until he is twenty.”

“Our protector, Draco Malfoy. Well, then, let’s go see our son, and perhaps you and I can continue what we started tonight?”

“I think that would be acceptable.”

I begin running, but look back and stick my tongue out at him, then say as seductively as I can, “Last one in has to bottom!” I know Draco too well, and he knows me. Some things never change.

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 15: Chapter Fourteen: The Tides Change

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17  
**Words**: 3093  
**Chapter**: 14/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena, who keeps my 'you's' and 'he's' straight!!!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

~*~ Chapter Fourteen: The Tides Change ~*~

  
“We have a big day tomorrow, Jamie, so it's bedtime for you.”

“But Daddy Harry, Aunt Tonks is still here. Can’t I please stay up for just a little while longer?”

“No, sir. It is past your bedtime as it is. You don’t want to fall asleep tomorrow during the wedding, do you?”

“No, Daddy Harry.”

“Okay, then, close your eyes, and Daddy Draco is going to tell you a bedtime story when you are all bundled up in your bed, okay?”

My son nods his head and stretches his arms out to me. This is our routine, and it is my favorite time of the day. I lift him into my arms and carry him to his room. I know he is five, can walk, and is not a baby, but I never had the chance to hold him as an infant, and in a few years, I won’t be able to, so everyone will just have to excuse my wanting to carry my son. When we reach his room, Draco turns down his covers and I place Jamie in his bed. His little eyes are already closed, and he’ll be asleep before Draco finishes his story. Placing a kiss on his forehead, I whisper in his ear how much I love him. He smiles and reaches up to me again.

“I love you, Daddy Harry.”

I hug him to me and rock him back and forth a few times before laying him back down. “I love you, too. Sweet dreams, Jamie.”

“Sweet dreams, Daddy.”

I smile at Draco, then leave. It is still amazing to me how much my life has changed in not even two months. Before Jamie entered my life, I had pretty much given up on my happiness. Losing Severus was so huge, and I did not want to live without him, but as often seems to happen, I discovered that it's not all about me. Jamie taught me that there are things more important then being happy all the time, although now I am happy. Now there is another person for me to concentrate on, and his needs are my main concern. I would die for my son, as well as for Draco. Oh Draco…are we really going to work? It felt so right being in his arms earlier, and kissing him was like taking a walk back in time. I had forgotten how in love we were. I think we can get there again. I hope so.

Walking into the sitting room, I smile when I see Tonks and Fred talking quietly. They look so perfect together and I hope they really are happy. George gave me the impression that Fred was only with Tonks because he couldn't be with me. I hope that's not true.

“I figured the two of you would get tired of waiting and leave.”

“How’s my little man doing?” Tonks says with a huge grin.

“Probably already asleep. He wanted to stay up because you were still here.”

“Of course he did.”

“Well, you and he can _play_ tomorrow after the wedding, Auntie Tonks.”

“So he can can stay with me after the reception?”

“Yeah, sure. He has been wanting to go to your--”

My heart plummets when Jamie begins screaming, and the three of us bolt up the stairs and practically tear off the hinges of my son’s door to get inside. Draco is sitting in the bed trying to hold a screaming and flailing Jamie, and is looking at me with fear in his eyes.

“It’s-- It’s his ma-- mark. It is being activated.”

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. “No, please no. He is too--” Shite. I thought this was over. My head explodes and I collapse on the bed. I feel Fred lift me, and then I see Draco looking at me, still holding my screaming son.

“It’s started again,” says a trembling Draco. I can barely see straight, but I nod as I look at my son. Draco carefully turns Jamie's arm so I can see the Mark, and it is as black as I’ve ever seen it before.

“Oh Merlin.” Jamie’s screams are becoming louder. “Tonks, please get Madam Pomfrey and try to find Albus,” I somehow manage to say before collapsing on the bed again. “Fred, you know where I keep the potions. Please bring me something to help.” I can’t pass out, not with Jamie like this. “Anything, please hurry.”

I slowly sit up and slowly move the fringe from Jamie’s eyes. Why is this happening to him?

“Daddy, it hurts. Please make it stop. Daddy, please make it all better.” He is looking at me, asking me to make it all better. I wish I could, Jamie. I don’t know what to do. I can’t let my son know I am in pain.

He is reaching out to me, and all I can do is take him in my arms and try to soothe him as much as possible, while gritting my teeth to stop from moaning. It hasn’t hurt this much in over a year. I can feel that Jamie is running a high fever. I can’t stand this. Somebody help me, please. I see the door opening and watch as Madam Pomfrey rushes over and takes Jamie from me. She has only been in the room a few seconds and already has tears running down her face from hearing my son’s screams.

“Harry, Fred has the potions you need. Tonks, Fred, take them out please; I’ll be out to talk shortly.”

I see Tonks walking over to Draco, and she helps him out the door. I think he is in shock; his face is emotionless, and he looks stiff as a board.

“Come on, love, let’s go downstairs.” I feel Fred helping me stand.

No. Don’t want to leave. My son needs me. “Can’t leave…Jamie…needs me,” I say through my sobs.

“Madam Pomfrey is here now and needs to examine him. We need to get you taken care of as well.”

I nod and allow Fred to walk me downstairs. He lowers me to the sofa and then sits beside me. Jamie is still screaming. Make it stop. Make it stop. “Oh Merlin, Fred, make it stop, please.”

I watch as he unstoppers two vials, and then down the liquid in both as soon as they are handed to me. The pain ebbs momentarily, but then I scream.

~*~

Opening my eyes, I can see nothing; it is pitch black. My head is throbbing, and I am sore all over, as if I have just been under…shite, it wasn’t a dream. Jamie... “**JAMIE**!”

Someone is lifting me up then there is a fire going in the grate. I feel a cool flannel being applied to my face. Who is it? Where am I? “Draco?”

“I’m here, love.”

“Jamie; is he okay?”

“He is asleep. Madam Pomfrey gave him some fairly strong pain potions, so he will probably be asleep for quite a while. How are you feeling?”

“Not good; someone put me under Cruciatus, Draco.”

“I figured that is what it was, but who could it be?”

“I don’t know, but when I find out, they better be prepared to die an excruciating death. I’ll never be able to get our son’s screams out of my mind. I felt so helpless.”

“As did I.” Draco lies down beside me and covers us both before wrapping his arms around me. “Do you need another potion?”

“No; I can deal with the pain. The potion would knock me out for hours.”

“Okay, but let me know if you change your mind.”

“Okay.” Draco makes sure I am covered up enough, then presses a kiss to my lips before scooting me closer to him. He is so warm; I need warmth. Hearing Jamie scream until he was hoarse left me so cold. I snuggle into Draco and feel safe.

~*~

“Draco.”

I hear someone whispering Draco’s name. Whomever it is, whispers it again and I can make out Fred’s voice. Then I feel Draco stirring before sitting up. I keep my eyes closed.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but you need to come see this. So does Harry, but he needs his rest, so I didn't want to wake him; he looks comfortable.”

“He is comfortable…and he can hear you.” I turn over and roll my eyes. “How is Jamie?”

“That is what I came to tell you and Draco about. It is the most amazing-- well, the two of you need to see it for yourselves.”

I throw off the covers ready to jump out of bed, and see that all I am wearing are a pair of boxers. “Fred, please throw me my dressing gown. It's on the back of that chair.”

“Since when have you been modest?”

“Oh I’m not modest at all, but I don’t think Draco is enjoying the fact that you are standing in here looking at me almost naked.” As expected, Fred blushes, but he does throw me my dressing gown.

As soon as Draco and I are ready, we make our way to our son’s room. Fred opens the door and the first thing I see when I walk in is Jamie smiling at us.

“Good morning, Daddies.”

“Good morning, love. How are you feeling this morning?”

“I feel fine, Daddy Harry. Can I have pancakes for breakfast?”

I am speechless. Even my head is still throbbing, and my son is acting as if last night never occurred. Our son seems to be fine, but there is still the fact that someone activated his Mark and my scar. I look at Madam Pomfrey, who is taking his temperature, and she shakes her head.

“He is fine and doesn’t seem to remember anything from last night. He just woke up about ten minutes ago, and I sent Fred to get Draco. In all my years of treating victims of Voldemort, I’ve never seen anyone recover from an episode this rapidly; it is as if nothing happened, but from both of your reactions last night, I know it was a powerful display of power that initiated everything.”

I nod at Madam Pomfrey. Looking at Jamie, I see he has been following our conversation. We really shouldn't be talking in front of him. “You can have whatever you want for breakfast, love. I’ll have Selly make you pancakes.” Sitting on his bed, I raise his shirtsleeve and find both marks still there, but dormant. “Does it hurt when I touch your tattoos, Jamie?”

He shakes his head, but is now busy playing with a toy. I ruffle his hair and shake my head. Thank Merlin he is okay. Turning to Madam Pomfrey, I motion to the door, and the two of us walk into the hall.

“Where is Albus?”

“I wish I knew. He said he would be back in time for the wedding, but said if we needed him, he would come back early. I tried contacting him the usual way, but he never responded. I didn’t want to worry you and Draco any more last night, so I didn’t say anything. He knows to come here as soon as he returns.”

“I feel so helpless, Madam Pomfrey. Voldemort still has many Death Eaters willing to be his minions, but none of them seems the type to claim his position. Whoever it is has powers equal to Voldemort, and I dare say, possibly stronger. My head still isn’t right. I am thinking Jamie is okay this morning because of the mark Draco and I gave him; that is the only explanation I can come up with.”

As Madam Pomfrey opens her mouth to respond, Albus materializes in front of our eyes.

"It seems we have someone else trying to stir up trouble, and fortunately, I think I know how to stop it, but no one must know I am back. Everyone needs to think I am unable to be found. Everything must go ahead as scheduled today.”

I know I'm staring with my mouth wide open, but can’t help it. “Albus, what is going on? Jamie can’t take much more of this.”

“Trust me, Harry, please. Jamie will not be hurt. I will make sure of it. Allow your son to participate in the wedding; if you don’t, it could be very bad. Please do not ask me to explain. You'll see me later today.”

I can only nod.

“Remember, no one must know of my whereabouts.”

Again I can only nod, then watch in wonder as Albus Disapparates.

"He is not serious, is he?"

I nod solemnly to Madam Pomfrey and we both head back into Jamie’s room. “Draco and Fred, we need to talk. Where is Tonks?”

“She is at The Burrow helping Fleur get ready for the wedding; we didn’t want anyone getting suspicious. Do you think we need her here?” Fred asks.

“No. The last thing we need is everyone becoming hysterical. Let’s go downstairs and try to figure this out.”

I sit down beside Jamie, who is looking at us talking, and lie down beside him. “Uncle Fred, Daddy Draco and I are going to go downstairs for a little while, but Madam Pomfrey is going to stay with you, okay?”

“Okay. When do I get to dress up, Daddy?”

“It won’t be long, love. Why don’t you try to get some sleep now, and we’ll wake you when breakfast is ready?”

“But I’m not tired. Daddy, what is wrong? You look so sad.”

“Nothing that you need to worry about, love.” He reaches his arms out and I hug him. “I love you, Jamie, so much.”

“I love you too, Daddy Harry.”

Not wanting to leave my son, I sigh, then leave the room with Draco and Fred. We go downstairs, and almost immediately, Draco begins losing it.

“What the fuck is going on? My son could have died last night. The Order has not detected any activity at all since Voldemort was taken care of, so what is going on now?”

“I don’t know, but you can bet we are going to find out, Draco. Our son can’t live this way.” I have to tell Draco about Dumbledore's visit. There is no way I'm going to hide anything from him now, but I'll wait until after breakfast.

“So what about the wedding?” Fred asks. “It just seems wrong to go through with it today. Fleur and George may not be safe.”

“Right you are Fred, but unfortunately we have no choice. Whatever that was that Jamie and I were exposed to last night, it was a warning. I think we should let the wedding happen as scheduled, then go from there."

“But what if they attack at the wedding?” asks a slightly shaking Fred.

Then we’re all pretty much dead. “Well, it is at Hogwarts. I feel almost completely confident that the wards will hold off whoever it is.”

“You don’t sound confident at all. So we just let our son stand up there as if everything is okay? I won’t allow it, Harry.”

“Neither would I, Draco. Don’t worry, Jamie will be fine. You look like you didn’t get any sleep last night, love. Why don’t you try to get some and I’ll fix breakfast.” I can tell he wants to continue this, but I hope he trusts me enough to let it go for now.

“Yeah, I should probably do that. Fred, don’t leave him alone; if that bastard strikes again, Harry is going to need us.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I am a bit in shock. I'm not sure what I expected, but not this. Draco asked Fred to stay with me? He knows Fred and I made love, and he knows how I felt about him. I smile questioningly at Draco.

“I wouldn’t trust your life with anyone else right now, Harry. Fred would never allow anyone to hurt you.”

I nod and watch as he leaves the kitchen, then turn to Fred with a raised brow. “What did you say to him?”

“Let’s just say that he and I had a very nice chat about this really wonderful bloke who we both love. I know you and he are trying to work things out, and I told him I am fine with that. I also told him no matter what happened between the two of you, I would always love you, and would do anything to protect you.”

I know you would. “Thanks, Fred. I’ve been a right mess since Severus died, and unfortunately you had to be hurt because of it. Please accept my apology.”

“I forgave you that night, Harry. You gave me what I wanted and needed, and I think I gave you what you needed. Now it is time to move on. You have Draco, and the two of you belong together. Tonks and I are getting closer. I don’t know if we’ll end up together or not; she is the only girl I’ve ever fancied, so that is a bit weird, but if we’re meant to be, then we will. So, don’t think on that night with regret, Harry, please. We both needed it.”

“Yeah, that we did. Okay, I think there is a little boy who requested pancakes. I need to be doing something, so instead of having Selly make them, I thought the two of us could.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me, Harry.”

“We should get to it then.”

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 16: Chapter Fifteen: The Boys Run

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2445  
**Chapter**: 15/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena, who keeps my 'you's' and 'he's' straight!!!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

~*~ Chapter Fifteen: The Boys Run ~*~

“Okay, Harry. Jamie is eating his pancakes, so tell me what is going on. I know the two of us have changed over the last five years, but seeing you with Jamie, I know you would do nothing to put him at risk, which is what you seem to be doing today. So, my question to you is, why?”

“Not in here.” This is not going as planned. I was supposed to be the one telling Draco, not him asking me. Bugger; can I ever catch a break? Walking in my bedroom, I point to the bed, and watch as a glaring Draco sits down huffily. Shite.

“Dumbledore Apparated in while I was talking to Madam Pomfrey about Jamie. He said he thinks he knows what is going on, and that he thinks he can stop it, but then he said no one could know he was here, and that everyone needed to think he could not be reached. He told--”

“So you were not going to tell me?”

Just let me finish, Draco. “I may be a bit hard headed, but I am not completely stupid, Draco. The last time one of us was not completely truthful about things, it ruined our relationship. I know that wasn't your doing, but I'll be damned if I let another lie come between us.”

“Okay, so why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Fred was here, and while I knew you had to be told, I didn’t want to alarm him; he is freaked out enough thinking the wedding will be interrupted by whoever this person is.

"Draco, Dumbledore asked me to trust him. I do, but this involves Jamie; I just don’t know what to do. He thinks he can stop what is going on, but what if he can’t?”

“I think we have no choice but to trust him, Harry, and we both know with you being present, Jamie will be safe. If trouble arises, his protections will immediately shield him.”

“Yeah, you're right. I guess I've been overly worried about everything, but you're right; he will be safe. I just don’t like the idea of our son being placed in this situation.”

“Albus would never endanger Jamie, Harry. I know he hasn’t always used good judgment with you in the past, leading to…well, situations I am sure he never anticipated, but I don’t think he’ll make that mistake again. Albus loves our son, Harry; we have to trust him.”

“Yeah, but he loved me, too.” I know this is unfair of me to be bringing this up again, but it is what happened, all because Dumbledore did not tell me the complete truth. He is keeping something from me again, but this time he is asking me to potentially risk my son’s life so he can discover what is happening.

“Don’t go there, Harry. He won’t make the same mistake with Jamie.”

“But you can’t make that statement because you really don’t know. Hell, Draco, there are going to be over two hundred people at Hogwarts today. We are putting all of our faith in Albus, all because he says he thinks he knows what is going on. Can we really take that risk with all of those innocent lives?”

“We don’t have a choice, love.”

“What happened to your Slytherin pessimism about people from other houses? Aren’t you supposed to be wary of Gryffindors trying to save the day?” Draco’s trust is actually making me feel better about things, but can’t he be a bit wary?

“Give me some credit, Harry. I have grown up just a bit in the five years since school, and falling in love with a hopeless Gryffindor didn’t hurt in that regard. I’m always on guard, every second of the day. Growing up with my parents who were Death Eaters, I learned at an early age to always watch my back. That will never change.”

“So, you are really okay with this? With Jamie being in the front with Fred and Fleur?”

“Not hardly, but we have to trust Albus. Gods, Harry, I hope we are doing the right thing. Part of me is saying to get our son and run as fast as we can and get far away, but then we just prolong whatever is going to happen. I am scared to death of allowing my son to potentially be put out there like a slab of meat to a dog. That is what Albus is doing, you know. He is using our son to draw out whoever it is. It is so unfair, but I honestly don’t know that there is anything else we can do. If it were not for the fact that he is virtually untouchable by anyone because of your protections on him, there is no way in hell we would be allowing this, believe me, and Albus knows that, Harry. Jamie will be fine, love.”

“I guess. This is so not right, Draco. If anything happens to Jamie, I swear, I’ll never forgive Albus.”

“I think you’d have to stand in line for that behind him, love.”

Taking a deep breath, I sit down beside Draco and try to smile. “I can’t wait ‘til you see our son in his dress robes; he looks precious, Draco. You should have seen him yesterday turning around in front of the mirror and watching his robes billowing. I think our little Jamie is becoming quite the little model. Tonks said he loved trying on everything he got the other day.”

“I wonder where he got that from?”

“Oh I don’t know, Draco. It is not as if his father stood in front of the mirror looking at himself from all angles with every outfit he put on, preening like he was Merlin’s gift to witches and wizards.” Don’t glare at me; you know it’s true. “But, I was only too happy to be your one and only audience member for your walks down the cat walk.”

“I’m touched,” says Draco sarcastically.

Draco Malfoy, you are so full of yourself. “Well, Selly should have Jamie all dressed now; what do you say we go see our little Draco in the making?” I try to hurry out of the room, but Draco catches me and smirks, but quickly replaces it with concern

“When you found out his name was Jamie, were you upset?”

Why would Draco ask me this now of all times? “No, just curious as to why. I did think maybe you gave him that name, but then Voldemort told me it was he who named our son, to get back at me.”

“I wondered about that. All I knew is that when Tonks brought our son to me, she told me when his birthday was and said his name was Jamie. It upset me at first, but no other name would be right. He is so like you, Harry, and I think the fact that he has your father’s name, and the fact that you seem to think he is a little me, is fitting. He really is the best of both of us.”

“And dare I say the worst, as well? I think we’ll definitely have our hands full with him, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Not many people get second chances like we've been given. I don’t plan on wasting a second of it.”

Draco lifts my chin, and my breath hitches as he closes the remaining distance between us. Then I feel his lips on mine, and push myself closer to him, so I can feel as much of him as possible through our robes. I want Draco so badly it hurts. We increase our kiss and I am finding that my son’s father has learned new ways to plunder my mouth…definitely a good thing. I am running my hands through his hair, then find them traveling down to lift his robes, but am stopped before I reach my objective.

“We’ve gotta stop, Harry. It is almost time to go, and we need to collect ourselves before we see our son.”

I begin to laugh. “Yes, of course, because he will know exactly what we were doing…or were about to do.” I roll my eyes and shake my head.

“Brat, you know what I mean…”

“Do I?”

“Keep this up and I will have to help you see what I mean.”

I love it when Draco talks with his seductive voice. “I think that would be a necessary evil, Mr Malfoy. I seem to have forgotten.”

“Very well. We shall continue your lesson at a later time, preferably as soon as possible. We have a lot to go over, you and me.” Draco presses another kiss to my lips, and then the git grabs my very erect cock, which is already pretty damn hard, and squeezes it. “Until then.”

“You prat.” Before he can get away, I grab his and make him moan as I slowly squeeze it a few times.

“I’m gonna come all over my dress robes if you don’t stop; whatever would everyone think?”

“I don’t care what they think, love of mine…but I guess I’ll be a good boy and stop, as much as it pains me.” Maybe I shouldn’t have done that; he does look uncomfortable, but it serves him right…but I really do need to think of something to cool Draco’s friend off or I will be embarrassing myself as well. Damn…and we are how old?

~*~

“Harry, where is Jamie?”

Fleur looks as if she is about to have a nervous breakdown. With Ron’s mum being in charge of everything, it’s a wonder she hasn’t. “Calm down, Fleur; he is with Draco. Wow, you look beautiful.”

“Thanks, Harry. Sorry, I’m just a bit stressed. How are you? So this is going to be the first public appearance of you, Draco, and Jamie as a family. Are you nervous?”

If she only knew. “Not nervous really, just a bit apprehensive about how Jamie will be treated from now on. We’ve tried really hard to keep everything regarding me and Draco, regarding everything, from him. That will not be so easy now.”

“No, I suppose not. But it is not good to keep him in the dark. He is perceptive.”

“Yes, he is. So, how is the groom-to-be fairing this morning? I imagine he's probably not doing so well.”

“He’ll be fine, especially once this is over. He and Fred are in the staff room if you want to go say hi.”

“Thanks, Fleur. I’ll talk to you at the reception, I’m sure.” After kissing her on the cheek, and entering The Entrance Hall, I see Draco walking in with Jamie, who has attracted a gathering it seems. Here we go. Steeling myself, I walk over to them and kneel down so I am on the same level as my son.

“Are you ready, Jamie?”

“Yes, sir. Where is Aunt Fleur? She said she is going to be standing beside me.”

“Oh, that she will, love. You are going to walk out to the front, and then she is going to walk out after you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“We best get you where you need to be. You get to go stay with Uncle George and Uncle Fred until it begins, then the three of you will walk out here.” I stand up, and tap Draco, who is talking to Amelia Bones, on the shoulder. “I’m going to take Jamie to Fred and George, okay? Ron and Hermione should be here soon, so we can sit beside them.”

“Okay.” Draco kneels down, takes our son by the shoulders and smiles, then places a kiss on Jamie’s forehead.

“I’ll see you in a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy Draco.” Jamie then takes my hand and we walk to the side room where we find George pacing.

“A bit nervous?”

George turns around looking quite tense, but when he sees Jamie, his face breaks out into a huge grin. “Hey, squirt. You’re looking very smart today.”

“So do you, Uncle George. When do I get to see Aunt Fleur?”

“Very soon, Jamie.” George then looks at me and sighs. “I just want this to be over with.”

“It will be soon enough. You’ll be fine, George, just breathe in and breathe out and you’ll be fine. Oh and tell Fred if Jamie gets too antsy, to send me the signal and either Draco or I will come and get him. I think he’ll be fine, but you never know.”

“I’ll do good, Daddy.”

“That, I have no doubt of, love. I am going to go find your Daddy Draco and we are going to be out there watching you, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, Daddy Harry.”

I can’t help it; I pick him up and hug him to me. “I love you, Jamie, so much.”

“And I love my Daddy Harry too, so so so so much.”

I look at him; he really is a true mix of Draco and me. He has Draco’s features…the refined elegant curves and angles cry out that he is a Malfoy, and along with his manners and proper use of language, he is well on his way to becoming a little Draco. Then there is the hair…Potter all the way except for the fact that it is blond. It is somewhat tamed now, but I give it thirty minutes and it will look like mine did at that age. Then there are his eyes. I like to imagine his eyes are my mother’s eyes. He says it was I who was his angel, but who is to say it wasn’t his grandmother Lily?

“I’ll see you in a few minutes, Jamie.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

Merlin, I don’t want to leave, but I have to. Albus, you better know what you are doing. I wink, then leave my son with George, praying that this will all be over in thirty minutes, and we can all go to the reception.

~*~ TBC ~*~

I did not change up any of the Fleur dialogue to sound French because...well, I just didn't - lol! Use your imagination!

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 17: Chapter Sixteen: The Oceans Crash

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17 for later chapters  
**Words**: 2408  
**Chapter**: 16/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena, who keeps my 'you's' and 'he's' straight!!!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

~*~ Chapter Sixteen: The Oceans Crash ~*~

Sitting down near Draco, who is standing talking with Pansy, I try to look calm while glancing around at the guests. There are several familiar faces, and a few of them nod or wave, but there are of course some who are gawking at Draco and me, and probably will be at our son, as well. Oh well, we didn’t have to do this; we could have kept our family quiet, but as Fleur said, Jamie is quite the perceptive child, and deserves to grow up knowing the truth. Even though Albus was trying to protect me until I was older, my not being raised in the wizarding world, and not knowing what my lot in life seemed to be, had its drawbacks.

Looking at Draco, it strikes me funny how bizarre life sometimes is. Not too many months ago, the mere thought of him made me almost sick to my stomach, and now looking at him, that sickness has been replaced with butterflies. It is as if we were back in seventh year, and he asked me out for the first time, again. We both had such complex lives, and when we began dating, we knew almost immediately that this was not going to be something short-term. We were as happy as we could be, and thought we had it made, but we were very wrong. It is sad how fast one can go from loving to hating in mere seconds.

We can’t change what happened, and I can’t change the cruel things I said to him, and we can’t get back the five years with our son that we missed, but we are starting over, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turn to see Hermione and Ron, who have just sat down. “Hey you two. Where’ve you been?”

“At your house. It looks beautiful, Harry, and guess who Ron and I saw?”

“Who?”

“Dobby and Winky. They are helping Selly get everything ready. Dobby was so excited; he cannot wait to see you and Jamie. He still seemed a bit skittish about seeing Draco, however.”

“You would too if seeing him reminded you of Lucius Malfoy, Hermione."

“Oh, that’s right, he was their house-elf.”

“Yep.”

“But Dobby has to know that you would not be with Draco if he were bad.”

“Oh, I think he knows Draco is okay, but years of believing a certain way are hard to overcome. Draco understands; he and Dobby had a run in of sorts soon after we began dating.”

I turn my head as Draco practically sits in my lap. He looks like he is about to kiss me, and winks. Down boy…we have a wedding to get through. Taking his hand, I smile, feeling all giggly again. We are dating, after all.

“Pansy is looking rather well; I guess she and Blaise are expecting their third child. What did she have to say?”

“Exactly what you think. She wanted to know all about Jamie.”

“Merlin, does that woman ever stop? She is worse than my aunt.”

“She’s harmless, Harry. In fact, she asked if the two of us would be agreeable to getting Jamie and her sons together; they are six. You know how protective Pansy is; her twins have probably never spent one night away from home. I don’t see what harm could come of it; we could at least give it a try and see how things go.”

“I guess that would be fine. But Blaise doesn’t seem the type to be overly protective of his kids.”

“Oh he isn’t, but since he is at work during the day, and since it is Pansy’s money they love so much, he gives her free rein with the twins.” Draco turns his head and glances towards Blaise. “But he is happy, and so is she, so I guess whatever works.”

“Yeah, you’re right there. It's amazing the things one compromises when becoming involved with someone else. We were lucky that most of our beliefs were pretty similar, with the exception of our _wardrobes_.” I emphasize this, and Draco sticks out his bottom lip. “Oh don’t you go pouting. I have never tried to tame your tastes in clothes…too much, have I?”

“Are you serious? Only every day. You may have loved how I looked in the clothes I wore, but you teased me endlessly about them and how much time I put into making sure I looked good…_for you_.”

“Did I? But I haven’t since we have started talking again, have I?”

“No, come to think of it, you haven’t. Matter of fact, you seem to like my choices now.”

Oh yes, I do like…very much! As innocently as I can with over two hundred people around, I wink at him and blow a kiss. I am so going to pay for this tonight…but I am going to enjoy every minute of it.

Draco tries to glare at me, and shakes his head before continuing. “So, what were the three of you talking about when I sat down? I heard my name.”

“Hermione was telling me that Dobby is helping with the reception.”

“Oh yes…Dobby. Father was horrible to him; it’s a wonder he is helping, knowing I am going to be there.”

“You forget Malfoy, that Master Harry will be there… ‘Oh Master Harry, is there anything Dobby can get you? Oh Master Harry, can I help you?’”

“You’re such a git, Ron,” I say, while rolling my eyes. He is right though, Dobby does get a little overly excited when I am around.

Everyone is turning towards the front. It is about to begin. I squeeze Draco’s hand and let out a breath. The side door opens and Fred, George, and Jamie walk out. Almost immediately, whispers can be heard, and I see many faces studying my son. I don’t like that.

Jamie looks out into the crowd and somehow finds Draco and me. He smiles at us, and we smile back. Then I have to suppress a laugh when I see my son looking at Ron, who is giving him the thumbs up sign with a goofy grin on his face; at least Ron and Jamie are enjoing this.

I look at Draco, petrified of what may happen, and he squeezes my hand and puts his other arm around my shoulders, as he scoots my chair nearer to his. Nodding slightly, I return my attention to the front, where Fleur has just emerged. I see her smiling at Jamie, and his little face breaks into a huge grin.

Then an elderly man walks out and stands in front of them. He is Fleur’s former Headmaster, and agreed to perform the ceremony. He looks much older than Dumbledore, but carries himself as a young man would. He begins the ceremony, and I keep my eyes glued to Jamie.

I know that words are being said, but I'm not really listening; my mind is too full of what to do if anything happens. Draco keeps glancing at me and is now holding my hands in his lap. I know he must be as worried as I am.

Jamie hands the rings to Fleur and George, and the vows are said, and finally, the ceremony is over. I turn to Draco and let out a sigh, but then I hear a popping noise and someone wearing Death Eater robes materializes in front of our eyes. He is standing directly in front of Jamie, and I hear my son gasp. I try to stand, but can't move, though I see that Draco and Ron have stood up, as well as many others. I see as the Death Eater raises his wand and points it at my son, and suddenly I can move. I hear myself screaming as I try to make my way to the front of the Great Hall.

“You best stop in your tracks, Potter, or else your son will meet the same end as your parents.”

Oh Merlin…it can’t be. I look at Ron, who looks as if he could kill, and I have no doubt he could at this moment. He comes to stand in front of me and begins speaking, but stops when my son falls to the ground. I scream, and the black robed figure turns towards me.

“What is wrong with your son, Potter? Does he make it a habit to fall unconscious when he gets scared? I guess he really is a Potter; pity.”

What do I do? What did he mean by that? Seconds later, Dumbledore Apparates to Jamie’s side and glares at the Death Eater before closing his eyes and nodding his head. After opening them, he speaks a few words, and the Death Eater falls to the ground, and doesn’t get up.

I run to my son and pick him up. He opens his eyes and it is the best sight I have ever seen.

“Hi Daddy Harry. What happened?”

~*~

“Draco, he could've damaged our son permanently.”

“But he didn’t, Harry.”

“He should have told us what he was going to do.”

“And would we have agreed to his plan?”

“Hell, no.”

“Look, Harry. Jamie is fine, and Percy is dead. I think we should be relieved our son will not have to go through any more of this.”

“Don’t be so thick, Draco; it will never be over for him. Merlin, Albus channeled our son’s magic and used it to kill someone. Do you know what a strain it is on the body to magically end someone’s life without aid of a wand? It is completely draining on an adult, and I can’t begin to imagine the effects on a small child.”

“It is over, Harry. I am not thrilled with what happened, either, but Albus did what he thought was best. If Jamie had been in real danger, Albus would not have been able to touch him magically, so I have to believe this was the way it had to happen.”

“Just because it didn't endanger Jamie's life doesn't make what Dumbledore did, right, Draco. Our son has been sleeping for twenty-four hours straight. That is not normal.” I know our son will be okay, but I am so scared. Will he remember anything? Albus says he won’t, but he might.

The door opens and Ron walks in, white as a unicorn.

“I am so sorry, Harry and Draco. I can’t believe it was Percy. Yeah, he had gone a bit off the deep end recently, but I never saw this coming.”

Draco is going to say something, and is looking at me, worry evident on his face. I know there is a not so good history between the two, but I hope Ron realizes that Draco is sincere. I look at Draco and nod ever so slightly, nudging him on.

“You couldn’t have known, Ron. No one could have. You heard your father and Amelia talking about what all they found in Percy’s flat. Your brother had been trained by Voldemort for the past seven years, and before Voldemort died, he had cloned his abilities in Percy, making him a hundred times stronger than Voldemort was at the height of his power. Percy wasn’t going to do anything careless to get himself caught.”

“Yeah, I suppose your right. Here I was thinking that Voldemort had a son or something…and it ends up being my own brother. Mum is devastated.”

I feel so badly for the Weasleys. This was supposed to be such a happy occasion, and it was ruined because one of their sons had decided long ago to turn dark. Fred, George and Fleur are with Mrs Weasley. I think Mr Weasley is at the Ministry with the information that was found in Percy’s flat.

“I should go see her, Ron. If we had just decided not to let Jamie be in the wedding, none of this would have happened today.”

“Harry, Percy would have just chosen another day; it is not as if the wedding was his only opportunity to strike, and as you told me earlier, Dumbledore knew something was possibly going to happen, and in the end, he was right. Because of him and Jamie, no one besides my brother was hurt.”

Not entirely true, but I won’t say anything to Ron. I know it is true…my son saved many lives today, but in the process, he drained much of his magic. Madam Pomfrey says he will be fine in about a week, and until then we need to monitor him and keep him still; I hope she is right.

Ron looks devastated, and I know his parents are not the only ones suffering. No matter what Percy ended up being, he was still Ron’s, as well as the other Weasleys’ brother. “I'm just glad it is over for everyone now, especially Jamie. Too bad the wedding was ruined, as well as the reception, but, as you say, it is over, or it is for now until the next person comes along.” We couldn’t be fortunate enough to be rid of Death Eaters and Dark Lords for good.

Draco pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. “You need sleep, love.”

We all need sleep, including Draco, but he’ll not sleep until I get some rest. “Yeah, I guess I do.” I let him lead me out of the sitting room, and we head to the stairs. “I’ll talk to you later, Ron.” When we get to my room, Draco pulls me into another hug and I cling to him as if someone is trying to pull him away.

“It’s okay, love. Jamie is going to be fine.”

I nod, but can't remove the frown from my face. “I want to talk to Albus.”

“Later, Harry. You know, he did not want to do this, right?”

“But he did.” Draco can only nod as I lie down on the bed. I can feel myself already giving in to sleep. “I love you, Draco.”

“I love you too, Harry.”

~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 18: Chapter Seventeen: The Crowds Roar

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17  
**Words**: 2768  
**Chapter**: 17/?  
**Beta**: Magdelena, who keeps my 'you's' and 'he's' straight!!!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

~*~ Chapter Seventeen: The Crowds Roar ~*~

“Daddy Harry, is my tattoo bad?”

What? “Why would you think that, Jamie?”

“When Hugh and Albert and I were playing, Albert saw it and looked scared, and told Hugh to look at it. They treated me different after that.”

And it starts. What am I supposed to say? My son wears the Dark Mark, and nothing can change that. People will always look down on anyone who wears it; Severus showed me that. If Jamie wasn’t five years old, I’d tell him the truth, but he is too young. I can’t ruin his innocence…I just can’t.

“Jamie, you have a tattoo that children your age usually do not have. Some people do think it is a bad tattoo, but yours isn’t, and if anyone tells you it is, you just ignore them, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy. I am going to go play with Jade.” He doesn’t believe me, and hangs his head as he walks into the other room. Merlin, he is too young for this. I turn my head when Draco walks down the stairs, and sigh out loud.

“Great idea we had inviting Hugh and Albert over to play with Jamie,” I say dejectedly.

“What happened?”

“It seems Albert saw his Dark Mark.”

“Bugger.”

“Yeah, my sentiments exactly. Jamie asked me if his tattoo was bad, and I said his wasn’t. We can’t tell him the truth, not yet, Draco.”

“You’re right; he is too young, but you know this is only the beginning, Harry. Albert won’t be the last person to see the Mark. Did he say anything to Jamie?”

“I don’t think so, but Jamie says Albert told Hugh to look at it, and that they treated him differently afterwards.”

“Wonderful. So now Pansy will know about it, I have no doubt. Blaise works at the Ministry, so he should already know about it. I just hope Pansy doesn’t start gossiping to everyone. That is the last thing we need.”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. So where are you off to?”

“It is a surprise, and you are coming too.”

“But I can’t leave, Draco. Jamie-”

“Selly and I have already talked and everything is taken care of, so close your eyes, Harry, please.”

I raise a brow, but when he lets out a sigh, I reluctantly close my eyes. “This better be good.”

“I’ll let you decide for yourself.”

I feel Draco wrap his arms around me and then feel as the ground disappears beneath my feet, only to be replaced a few seconds later. “May I open my eyes now?”

“You may.”

I slowly open them and smile as I look around the room we are in. “You brought me to your house?”

“Yes. Do you mind?”

“Why would I mind? I know you are living with me, but this is still your home.”

“I am going to sell it. It holds too many bad memories for me. I see my father everywhere. I have tried to make it my own, but regardless of what I do, it is still Lucius Malfoy’s domain.”

I feel bad for Draco; he never really has had anything that was just his, and I know he wanted to make this house something he could be proud of. I'm tempted to tell him not to sell it, but it is not my place to say anything. This is something he has to do on his own. “You can always buy another house.” Draco nods but there is no conviction behind it. “You know, I am going to miss this house, even with your father’s memories pervading it. This is where we made love for the first time, remember?”

Draco is looking at the stairs but quickly turns around and smirks. “How could I not? It was not how it should have been, however, because we were determined to make love in my bedroom, with my father in his room, which was only three doors away.”

“Yeah, but we did it, and I don’t remember either of us complaining.”

“Definitely not, and it did thrill me to no end that I had the Boy-Who-Lived writhing underneath me screaming at the top of his lungs in passion. It is just too bad we had to erect Silencing Charms. I would have loved to see the look on my father’s face had he heard us.”

“I think he knew.”

“He did. He never said anything about it, but he did. My determination to show up my father is what caused all of this in the first place. Then I became pregnant, and well, you know the rest, or as much as I do, anyway.”

“We can’t change any of what happened, Draco, so there is no point in asking ourselves ‘what if’. I don’t regret what we did that day; it is what gave us Jamie. I am still amazed that we waited as long as we did before we made love.” Draco smiles, and it completely brightens his face. He doesn’t smile enough anymore. I hope to change that.

Draco nods and lets out a slight laugh. “I was so nervous, thinking there was no way I was what you wanted or needed. I only asked you out because of Severus, and once I found out you wanted to be with me and no one else, it scared me. I wasn’t a virgin, but you were so different from anyone I had ever been with. I didn’t want to disappoint you, and I guess I was worried about what my father would do to you if he found out. Looking back on it, we were completely stupid to think we could actually do something under my father’s roof without him knowing. He could have killed you, and me. But he didn’t, and as you say, what happened, did so for a reason.”

I study Draco, who is looking wistfully around him, and a thought occurs to me. “Why did you bring me here?”

“To tell you I was going to sell--”

“The truth, Draco.” I see this is not easy for him, and point to the sofa. After we are both seated, I nod my head for him to continue.

“I don’t know if this is appropriate or not, but I am going to ask anyway. Do you think you could be happy bonded with me, Harry?”

Holy shite. This is really happening. “Err…you’re asking--”

“Harry, if it is too soon, I’m sorry. We don’t have to do it now, or ever. I just don’t want to lose you.”

And here I thought I was the messed up one out of the two of us. “Do you see me going anywhere? Draco, you and Jamie are my family, and my life. I don’t ever plan on going anywhere. I can’t bond with you now, but yes, I do want to, eventually. You know I love you, and that I have always been honest with you, so I need you to know how I am feeling. Severus is gone, Draco, and is never coming back. I can finally accept that, but it still hurts, you know? He was my everything for five years and all of that was taken from me in one minute. Having to say goodbye to him was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I wanted so badly to join him. If not for Ron, Hermione, and Fred, I would have. They helped me get on with my life, but there is still an emptiness that I feel every second of the day because my best friend is not here anymore. I know I sound all sappy, probably like a girl, but I can’t help it. I miss him, Draco, and I feel him leaving me a little more each day. That scares me.”

“He’ll never leave you completely, Harry. We both know he is too stubborn to leave you alone. You were his Harry, and will always be that to him. I think he would want you to do what makes you feel comfortable, and that includes taking as much time as you need before making any life altering decisions.”

I can’t help but smile. How can one person be so lucky in life to have two loves? “Thanks, Draco. This might be so wrong after me pouring my soul out about Severus, but I have an idea…er…or let's say, I think you had an idea, and I am going to suggest we carry it out.”

“Oh? And what would that be?”

“Well, you didn't bring me here to tell me you were selling the house, and I really don’t think you intended on asking me to bond with you, am I correct?” Draco’s face is giving nothing away. “I think we need to rectify an earlier situation. You hated that you couldn't hear me when we made love in your room that day. Would you like to hear me scream today?”

“Are you mad? I’ve been wanting to hear you scream for quite a while now, but only if you’re sure.”

“I said I am.” I watch as Draco stands up and helps me to my feet, then the two of us walk up the stairs and into Draco’s childhood bedroom. I have to do a double-take because it is like taking a step back in time. Everything is as it had been when I was here last time; Draco’s NEWT results lying on his chest of drawers, being the only difference I can find.

“You do not come in here much, I take it?”

“Harry, I haven’t been in here since the day I left you. I returned here to get some things, then I left, and this is the first time I have come in this room since. It was too painful.”

“We don’t have to do this in here, Draco.”

“No, we don’t, but I want to; I want to flaunt our lovemaking in front of my father because I know he is watching.”

“Er…so this is to get back at your dad? I don’t think that is a good enough reason.”

Draco rolls his eyes at me, and then glares. “You know what I want and why I want it. Knowing my father is rolling over in his grave…that’s just icing on the cake.”

I take off my robe and sit on his bed as he does the same. I want this so badly, and I want it to last forever, but I don’t think I have a prayer at lasting long at all. Draco reaches over and raises my shirt and mouths for me to lift my arms, which I do, happily. Then he is taking off his shirt, and I can feel the beginnings of my arousal. He motions for me to lie down and once I am comfortably situated, he unfastens my trousers and slowly pulls them off of me and throws them on the floor. Next he pulls down my pants, and I can tell he is savoring the torturing slowness of it all. After they are thrown on the floor as well, Draco waves his wand over himself and the rest of his clothes disappear.

“Close your eyes, Harry.”

A few seconds pass, then I moan when I feel Draco’s warm body covering mine. For a few seconds, we lie there motionless, enjoying the closeness neither of us thought we would ever experience again, then he begins grinding against my erection, and I begin to meet his thrusts. Merlin, this feels so good. We continue to move in a rhythmic dance, and soon we are both panting as our thrusts increase, his down, and mine, up. It takes very little time for us to climax, and after both of us have come down from our highs, and are looking at one another, I scoot down and lick Draco clean. His taste is forever stored in my mind, and I have missed it. I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything like him, ever.

Crawling up, I stop to kiss him, but he says he wants to return the favor so I need to keep crawling. I do, and stop where he can have easy access to my cum coated cock. I am on all fours, most of my body above his head. I feel him licking my already stirring cock clean, then he licks his way up my stomach and ends when he has scooted himself up to meet me in a kiss. Then he pulls away.

“Stay as you are. I’ll be right back.”

I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. I know what is coming next, and my cock and arse know it too. This is the one thing that Severus and I never did, because he and I invented an entire new world for ourselves, and did things that only ‘Harry and Severus’ would ever know about or do. I miss that world, but I am glad Draco and I have something we can call ours. I did sort of do it with Fred, but it is Draco’s and mine, completely.

“Are you ready, love? ”

“Yes,” I say, anticipation resonating prominently in my voice. “Don’t make me wai-- Holy Merlin, how did you do that?” Draco has fully embedded himself in me without preparing me or anything else. He could have used magic, but we never do it that way; he says preparing me is his favorite part of making love…almost.

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out. Want to know now, or would you rather me take care of you?”

“I think the latter would do just fine, Draco.” Immediately, he begins slamming into me, and suddenly I know what he has done. His cock is releasing something into my body with every thrust, making my arse more pliable with each pass. Merlin, it feels like he is orgasming with every thrust.

I shift ever so slightly, and one more thrust from Draco has me collapsing on my hands and face, arse still sticking out and being thoroughly buggered, as I moan out Draco’s name.

“Okay, love?”

“Yeah,” I somehow manage to say while still convulsing around him.

“Okay.”

I feel my legs being parted and lifted, then hear Draco whispering a few words before I feel myself rising for a few seconds before stopping. I am suspended in mid-air, diagonally, head pointed down and probably a foot above the bed, and feel as Draco's body covers mine perfectly. then I feel him entering me.

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod,” I cry out as the sensations wash over me. I can hear Draco mumbling something unintelligible, and at the same moment, we both release and I know it has to be the loudest scream I’ve ever made, or heard. Usually it takes a minute or two for me to recover before having another orgasm, but I guess with this being so anticipated, it is so much more of a sensory overload then usual, casing me to practically have a double orgasm...bloody brilliant feeling. Perhaps I can talk Draco into letting me do this to him...just not today.

Draco whispers a few more words and I feel myself being lowered into his arms. He holds me as we both work our way though our orgasms, then he snuggles up to me and kisses me as only he can. I am his once again, and he is mine. I know he’ll wake me up in a while and we’ll make love slowly and easily, and we’ll make it last as long as we can. I cherish those moments between us when we really feel ourselves melting into each other, and I probably prefer that to being fast and furious, but there will never be another feeling in the world that compares to feeling Draco slamming into me in mid air with nothing below me. Only for him, do I trust that completely.

~*~ TBC ~*~

If anyone wants to be notified of updates, please join [My Yahoo Group](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sev1970fanfiction/)

 

* * *

  


#### Chapter 19: Chapter Eighteen: The Days Soar

**Title**: Without You  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Rating**: NC-17  
**Words**: 2553  
**Chapter**: 18/18  
**Beta**: Magdelena, who keeps my 'you's' and 'he's' straight!!!  
**Summary**: Harry has to say goodbye to Severus, and somehow continue living without him. Implied Harry/Severus. Will eventually be Harry/Fred and Harry/Draco  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot in this fic. Everything else belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and other entities, but not me! Oh and the title is from one of the songs in the musical **Rent**.

  
~*~ Chapter Eighteen: The Days Soar ~*~

~*~ One year anniversary of Severus’s Death ~*~

Opening my eyes, I look around and smile. This was always your favorite time of the day. I’ve only been here a few times since you left me, and I still hate being here and looking at your headstone. I don’t want to face it. I know you’re gone; it is quite evident every morning when I wake up and am not in your arms, but seeing your date of birth and date of death is not a reality I want to be faced with day after day. I don’t need to see this, or to be here, to know you are gone, and I don’t need to be here to feel you with me. You are with me every second of the day, love.

Slowly lowering myself to the ground, I smile…I will not cry. “Hi, love. You knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away today. Draco was going to come, but Jamie has a cold. Selly could have taken care of him for a few hours, but I think Draco wanted me to have some alone time with you. Oh, here is a picture Jamie drew for you. He said it is him and you sitting on a cloud in heaven. He wanted to know if he could come visit you, but I said maybe it would be better if he waited a while.

“I still miss you so much, Severus. I love Draco with all of my heart and we are truly happy, but it is not you and me. Jamie has brought him and me back together, and I thank Merlin for that. Draco and Jamie are the reasons I can function. As time goes by, it gets easier in some ways, but in other ways, it is unbearable, not having you here with me. Draco, Jamie, and I can be doing the most ordinary things and suddenly your presence overwhelms me. I think I am finally okay, then it all comes back in a rush. It’ll never stop, will it? I’ll always yearn for you, and no one else will ever take your place, Severus.

“Draco is wonderful; he has been telling Jamie all about ‘his Uncle Severus,’ and how much you meant to us all. Jamie has a picture of you and me beside his bed. He hasn’t a clue who you really are, or were, to me, but he always says goodnight to you and asks you to watch over me. I am so fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life.

“You always said Ron and Hermione smothered me with attention, and you were right, but I have learned to bask in it, because they love me and only want me to be happy. They have sacrificed quite a lot this past year to live with me. I think I've finally convinced them to return to their home. They’ll be wanting their privacy now that Hermione is expecting. Their baby should arrive in a few months. They’re having a little girl, Severus…a prissy little girl, just like you always said you wanted to have, one that you could spoil, and one that would be daddy’s little girl.

“Then there’s Fred. Fred is the man I would have lived happily ever after with had I never met you, but you ruined it for me…in a most wonderful way. Your snarkiness and loveable/detestable demeanor intrigued me. Too bad you were my teacher, but it all worked out for the best. Draco and I began seeing each other and he was a younger version of you, only with blond hair. Then you know the rest; I did end up bonding with you, and those five years were filled with daily gifts. I can still remember waking up and watching you sleep, wondering how you put up with me. You would lie there and act as if you were still asleep while I traced my fingers over your face, mapping it out. I know your face by heart, Severus. I can still see every detail of it when I close my eyes.

“I would pout when you would want to trace my face in return, but I secretly loved it. We could never get enough contact with each other. You probably got tired of me always holding your hand and walking up to you and wrapping you in my arms with no warning, but you never said anything because you knew how much I craved your touch; you always knew exactly what I needed. But, anyway, getting back to Fred, he and Tonks are going to the States for a year, so I am very curious how that will go. It is quite evident how much Tonks loves Fred, and I know Fred thinks the world of Tonks. I just wish he could love her or find someone else whom he could love. I know I hurt him, Severus, and what hurts me more than anything is to know he still loves me. I really buggered things up with him. I was so lost when you died, but that is no excuse for hurting one of your best friends.”

I can tell you about everything in my life, love, and you are not going to be able to share in my happiness, not here anyway. Okay, enough beating around the bush. “Severus, I need to tell you something, and this is really hard. Draco and I are about to be bonded. It has taken me a long time to reach the point where I feel okay about this because you are still my bond mate. I am still connected to you and am scared to make that connection with anyone else. I know the bond itself will not change much, but as with you, I know I am going to crave Draco even more than I do now, physically and emotionally. I don’t know if I am ready for that, or if he is. He does love me, Severus, but I just don't want him to be overcome with my neediness. As you always said, though, Draco is not one to do anything he doesn't want to, so I am counting on that to hold true now.

“We have not told Jamie yet; we wanted to be sure before we said anything. The past five months have been more than a bit turbulent for us regarding Jamie. He is beginning to have nightmares, and has been asking us more pointed questions about his Dark Mark. Albus has been talking with him and it seems to be helping. The two of them have formed a truly special bond, and for that, I am most grateful. Draco and I were so upset with Albus for risking Jamie’s life, but to see the two now, there is no way the two of us could hold anything against Albus. I only hope he stays around for a long time."

Tears are threatening to fall. Please don't let me cry. I trace a finger over the words etched on your headstone, and the tears come. It is the closest I'll get to touching your face. I don't think I can do this, Severus...come here anymore. It is just too painful. I can't be here. “I love you, Severus, and always will. Goodbye, love.”

~*~

“Harry, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am. I just needed to get some things out and clear my head, and talking to Severus always helps. I guess today I just needed to be there.” Draco has practically pushed me down on the sofa and has joined me, looking worried. He has been dreading this day for as long as I have.

“I’m glad you went, Harry. Jamie asked me if you went to see Uncle Severus, and I told him you did. He wanted to know why we had to go visit him, and why he couldn’t visit us. Merlin, that really freaked me out, although I guess it shouldn’t have. I fire-called Hermione, asking her what she thought I should tell Jamie, and she was wonderful. She flooed in and went to talk to Jamie herself. I think she had a book with her…something was said about a Muggle book explaining Heaven. Anyway, she left a few minutes later, and when I went to talk to him, he smiled at me and said he understood.”

Leave it to Hermione; she is going to make a wonderful mother. “I am glad he does, Draco; sometimes I wish someone would explain it to me so I could understand. How is his cold?”

“It's still making him feel pretty yucky. He is asleep right now, and Poppy is sitting with him. She thinks of Jamie as her grandchild, you know.”

“Fine by me; the more love our son has surrounding him, the better it will be. You and I both know that.”

Draco nods, then motions his head for me to join him, so I do, and find myself straddling him and gazing into his silver grey eyes, before laying my head on his chest and being enveloped in his arms. We don’t say anything for a couple of minutes, just enjoy the beating of each other’s hearts. I do feel safe with Draco. I love him, want to bond with him, begin a new life, and fill it with wonderful memories of our little family. He deserves me completely, and I deserve to give him all of me.

Lifting my head, I smile at him and take his hands in mine. “I want to give myself to you completely, Draco Lucius Malfoy, mind, body and spirit. Whatever I have, I offer to you, and I’ll take what you offer me. Together we will be joined, forever bonding us to each other. The only bond greater than the bond we make today is the bond you and I share with our son. That bond supersedes all others. We must not ever forget that Jamie comes first with us in everything. I pledge my life to making certain that he never knows loneliness because of me. I give you my word that you will never know loneliness in your life, Draco, because of me. You love me, and as you said in your words to me earlier this morning, this is forever. You declared your intentions, and now I have, as well.”

I allow myself to lift my hand only after I finish, wiping away the tears that are falling down my bondmate’s face. Draco does cry, but not often, and has not done so in a very long time. I embrace him in a very big hug, and then shower him with kisses, which are returned in full. Eventually, he stands up, me clinging to him, and Apparates us to our bedroom. When I open my eyes, I am speechless, and by the sound and look of things, so is Draco. Our room is filled with flowers and plants, and our bed has been transformed into the ocean. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I look at Draco questioningly, but he shakes his head.

“Wasn’t me, but I think maybe a certain Matron, Headmaster, and little boy have been doing some work in here.”

I am still speechless and am staring at our bed.

“Wanna go swimming, love?”

I nod, not quite believing that this is happening. No one could possibly have known that Draco and I always said we wished we could go see the ocean and stay on our very own tropical island for our honeymoon. Looking at Draco, I see him mouthing something about his fantasy coming true, and I smile as I take his hand.

“I’d love to go swimming, Draco…forever.”

~*~ The End ~*~

Lyrics to ‘Without You’ (from the musical Rent. Lyrics and music written by Jonathan Larson)

_Without you  
The ground thaws  
The rain falls  
The grass grows_

Without you  
The seeds root  
The flowers bloom  
The children play

The stars gleam  
The poets dream  
The eagles fly  
Without you

The earth turns  
The sun burns  
But I die  
Without you

Without you  
The breeze warms  
The girl smiles  
The cloud moves

Without you  
The tides change  
The boys run  
The oceans crash

The crowds roar  
The days soar  
The babies cry  
Without you

The moon glows  
The river flows  
But I die  
Without you

The world revives

Colors renew

But I know blue  
Only blue  
Lonely blue  
Within me, blue  
Without you

Without you  
The hand gropes  
The ear hears  
The pulse beats

Without you  
The eyes gaze  
The legs walk  
The lungs breathe

The mind churns  
The heart yearns  
The tears dry  
Without you

Life goes on  
But I'm gone  
Cause I die

Without you

Without you

Without you

Without you

~*~

OMG — I can’t believe this is it! I have loved writing this so much, especially, Jamie. I think I am in love with this little boy :-) Maybe some day I can have a little Jamie.

In this chapter, I referred to a book about Heaven, and it is a real book called ”Heaven” by Maria Shriver. It is an excellent book that helps children understand what Heaven is. I realize that since this is a wizarding fic, Heaven may or may not be a belief of these people…but it is a belief of mine, so it is in here.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed — your comments and encouragement have really meant a lot to me.

Lastly, I want to thank my most wonderful beta/editor, Magdelena. She has always been invaluable helping me with information and other stuff, but in this fic, I thought I’d change things up and write** First Person**, and not only that, but I decided to not ever use the word ‘you’ in Harry’s thoughts, unless he was referring to Severus. This sounded like a wonderful idea, and it was, but it was not so easy actually translating it to paper or computer. When you are talking to someone, it is natural for you to think of them as ‘you.’ I would do really good for a while, then ‘you’s’ would begin appearing where they were not supposed to — lol! Needless to say, Magdelena and I had our hands full with this — lol! I don’t think I will ever try to employ this particular style again, but it worked so well for this fic, which was centered around Harry missing Severus and trying to get on with his life.

I do think I am probably going to be doing a one shot follow-up, but it may be a while before I do it, or it could be tomorrow — lol! But here is a one shot follow-up that takes place about fifteen years in the future. It was written for a specific challenge and is rather dark…and is all dialogue: [Ignorance is Bliss...Sometimes](http://www.livejournal.com/users/sev1970/59016.html#cutid1).

Okay, I think that is everything I needed to say! Thanks again for reading “Without You.” Sev1970


End file.
